Satisfied look on Issa’s face as she was walking down the street was everything, as the shot panned over what’s looking like my new home…
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Maybe the prior criticisms that were thought to be premature were right – the story was lagging and becoming complacent in its focus on the romantic relationships between Issa, Molly, and their men. That’s why episode 6 does not disappoint.
The writers proved to understand their audience by bringing them some very introspective Issa centered content, and I loved it.
The earlier seasons were building up and beginning to focus on Issa and Molly’s friendship solely but they still involved men and their relationships with them as part of the reason they were drifting apart. But not this time.
I love DM slides, and I love how the show uses them to push the story forward because ain’t that what happens in real life?
I could hear the black community collectively sighing when Issa was considering sending Nathan that first text. And why? He hasn’t done Issa as “dirty” as hardly any of the other major relationships she’s had. Yes, ghosting is bad. But betrayal and lying are worse. I think it’s safe to text Nathan. I like Nathan for Issa because he helps Issa get out of her head.
I was confused though. Maybe I missed something but…Nate was in LA the whole time? And even though he’s generally still on my good side, I wouldn’t necessarily trust him with my personal friendships. She ain’t had to tell him all that shit that went down with Molly. That wasn’t his business.
Keli is slowly becoming my favorite of the 4 friends. She’s funny, she’s randy, and she’s not afraid to be proud of lying. I think more people should shamelessly reinvent themselves like she does with every new guy.
I love how the block party incorporates the diversity of Issa’s impeccable and up to the minute music taste. Throughout the show, her musical influence appears to have been consistent. It just feels like her stamp is on everything.
But the fight though. I truly undressed the point that Molly was trying to make, but she kept pushing her.
“I love her but I just don’t really like her right now.” – Molly
You know, I was listening to Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., a psychologists talk about friendship on her podcast. (It’s only 9 minutes, you should listen below). She talks about 3 major insights that people don’t really think about when it comes to major friendships in their life.
Or maybe Issa just needs a whole slew of friends. I really didn’t like the way Condola made it seem like Issa had something to do with her and Lawrence breaking up, and gave her that judgemental, light-skinned stare. Issa had nothing to do with it! But we still don’t know the results of that late-night slide DM slide that Law gave Issa. I wonder if the show will circle back around to it.
Of the different attachment styles (look them up, it’ll blow your mind), Issa appears to be an avoider. She has probably benefited from having a friend like Molly who pushes her to actually talk about things that she would probably more than likely avoid forever (like me). But, the toxic and destructive way that Molly approaches problems has just run its course with Issa.
Issa continually “dismissed” Molly’s relationship by making one-off comments about how it wouldn’t last. But Molly has done that to Issa with many areas of her life: her job, her block party, even her relationships. Molly feels ignored, excluded, and betrayed. Issa feels stressed, pressured, and blamed for doing nothing wrong. It’s the perfect storm.
You’re going to be most offended by what you’re the most sensitive about. But how do you approach someone about something that’s bothering you without bringing negative energy into their life?
An even better question, how do you allow someone to grow? Here’s more insight on that from a therapist.
Listen to the podcast below:
I want to do my small part in progenating conversations about this epic show. Usually, I write essays that 4 people read. And in order for me to get faster with posting, I take notes during the show on scenes that I will commentate on before the final credits roll.
Because today, I spent 5 hours cleaning my very small room in my parent’s house.
Today, I threw away tons of old stuff representing old thoughts that are clogging my pipeline I’ll be using to siphon off 6 figure blessings as a full-time writer.
And today, I ate a smoothie bowl with a special brownie crumble on top, so…
Today, I’m high.
And if you want a more in-depth (in order) analysis of this episode?
I knew from the thumbnail that it was gonna be a problem. And then I heard the squeal in Issa’s voice when she bumps into Lawrence….with Condola….in her summer fresh skin, boobs poppin, and CORNROWS.
This chapter of the story ended with a will they or won’t they cliffhanger, and we got to see some of the issues emerging in Lawrence’s and Condola’s relationship that are revealing themselves now that they’re settling into coupledom.
The tough questions are asked:
Lawrence to Condola:
“Are you still getting over your ex?”
Condola to Lawrence:
“If Issa hadn’t cheated, would you still be with her?”
And Issa’s brother to her about Molly:
I want to talk about 2/3 of Issa’s Throuple first:
Condola is starting to get on my nerves. She’s impossibly bubbly and polite – almost to a fault. When she was first introduced on the show, I thought she was a better communicator than Issa, who we know can be terribly avoidant and shut down. But Condola is also not being totally upfront about her feelings in this relationship. When obvious haziness about where each one stands as far as the status of the relationship comes to a head after a Friendsgiving Dinner, (but isn’t it April though?), she passive aggressively answers Lawrence’s thanking her for inviting him with a, “Well, technically, I didn’t invite you, but I’m super glad you came. It was definitely better with you here.” All said with a smile of course. WOOOW.
And technically, she DIDN’T invite him. He DID invite himself. And he not being able to take that reminder with a laugh and move on only indicated HIS insecurity with their status, in the relationship AND in life (more on that next). But she made it seem like she would have invited him, if it weren’t for him- “I didn’t know you wanted to come.” CLASSIC MOVE, shiting the blame. (Could Condola be a Cancer?)
Later she said she didn’t want to put pressure on him – that could be true, which is understandable, but all of this just seems like in an effort to not rock the boat. She would keep her mouth shut while slowly holdong on to resentment, rotting inside.
And then it came out. She WASN’T feeling him and Issa’s ease of friendship. But what pisses me off about her, and I was rooting for her, is that she clearly was not OK with it for way longer than she had indicated that night – but she would rather stuff her feelings down to keep the peace. Don’t be that type of woman. It’s bad for you, it’s bad for relationships…and it’s bad for women.
Part of me can’t help but think that Lawrence is feeling a bit out of sorts with Condola. Issa reminds him of his comfort zone. Being with a woman like Condola feels like it can be a lot of pressure for someone like Lawrence who ideally wants to provide, and at least pay for dates. Condola’s house, and friends, all hint at a lifestyle that he couldn’t give Issa and still can’t provide for Condola.
And I’m not sure he wants to. Her drunk friend doesn’t seem to feel that they’re a long term match either. Just when I thought she was going to do some inappropriate flirting with her friends boyfriend in her fabulous kitchen while everyone stiffly chuckles about something expensive in her den, she blurts out that Lawrence is just want Condola needs – a rebound.
Lawrence seems like he needs and desires a bit of ratchet to go with this refinery. And Condola doesn’t seem to have a bit of ratchet to go with her righteous. I know for me, I can be in rich spaces, but sometimes I need a dive bar just to feel grounded. I’ve always been a bit rough around the edges. I think that’s what Lawrence loves about Issa – even though she’s progressing, she can still meet him where he is.
Still, if he tried to come crawling back to Issa now, while in the new relationship with Condola, maybe it will be fucked up love story. She cheats, now he cheats, but not on her, but with her, and with her friend…It would just be a hot mess that would prove Molly right – Issa might be getting in over her head.
At least she started getting real with her brother about it. At least she admitted that she does hold a bit of resntment towards Condola. And I’m sure Molly could be a great friend to her during this time of realization if she didn’t keep brushing her off.
Why does it seem like every time we watch another episode of Insecure, they shave a few minutes off of the episode?I can’t believe they left us hanging like that – is it going to be the end of the season that we finally see why Issa and Molly are no longer friends?
I’ve talked a lot about friendship on this blog, – particularly when they hurt, or when they end. Sometimes you move on from a friendship because you feel betrayed, you outgrow the relationship, or you realize through actually getting to know them that the connection was really shallow and you never had enough in common to form a deep bond in the first place. Still, something was keeping you there.
This definitely isn’t the case with Issa (Issa Rae) and Molly (Yvonne Orji) . We can see they’ve shared similar values and views on relationships, and their lifestyles contrasted just enough to where they’d be able to feed off of each other. I think each one is slightly envious of the other’s life in what started off in a healthy way. Issa may wonder what it’s like to be in a highly respected role in society as an attourney while she’s slowly rebranding herself. With her choosing to go into nonprofit as a career, she doesn’t have the lush and expensive lifestyle that Molly maintains while still having time to date and hang out with friends.
Molly seems to be jealous of Issa’s creativity and ability to bounce back after the heartbreak of her 5 year relationship ending with Lawrence (Jay Ellis), and the carefree attitude she has towards the new men that come into her life – and life in general.
As good of a compliment as they are to each other’s lives, the show is definitely setting the scene for there to be a huge fallout or a friend break up but it’s just not getting there fast enough. Maybe that means that they’re doing a good job.
Molly’s character was way more relatable in this episode. On the surface and in Episode 1 of this season, she just seemed like a scared and bitter friend who was hating on Issa’s preoccupation with building her new life, creative alchemy (using the resources she had to create something new) and as awkward as it was, her new friend who just happens to be Lawrence’s (her ex’s) new boo.
But now, Molly’s softer. I see more a sisterly concern for her friend than bitchy bitterness in this episode. She’s scared for Issa, she knows how sensitive she can get about Lawrence. Sure, Issa seems over him, but it was a 5-year relationship – an on and off again relationship that broke Issa to the core and has taken her a long time to recover from.
Not to mention that it’s safe to say that the show is presenting the new girlfriend, Condola (Christina Elmore), as a step up from Issa. She seems like a lot of what Issa seems to be striving for or already has – a cushy career in entertainment, killer style (did you see those boots she had on as she was walking down the ave?), that same carefree bubbly attitude, and, dare I say it…the man of her (Issa’s?) dreams?
It doesn’t make it any less complicated that Issa needs Condola in order to get the next step she’s getting to in life. Which is kind of ironic, because she broke up with Lawrence because he wasn’t where Issa thought he should be, and now he has totally leveled up.
So I understand Molly’s apprehension and discomfort with Issa’s and Condola’s new girlfriendship. How can Issa judge Molly’s life choices in relationships when she doesn’t seem to have the career she wants or the man that she wants? It’s quite clear that she does seem to have something that Molly doesn’t, which is a kind of inner peace, but a now that I’m closely examining the situation, this could be just what Molly called it out to be – a hot ass piece of shit mess that Issa refuses to see is eventually going to hit the fan. Molly doesn’t want to see Issa hurt again. Not like that. Not by her own naivete and immaturity.
Molly seems to be open to correcting her behavior after the fact – but like most deeply ingrained defence mechanisms and bad habits, she doesn’t seem to be able to fix it before it happens. That tells me she’s not dedicating as much time to self development so that she can prevent these problems before they start. Does she truly want to change?
But this time, I think Molly was right. Asian Bae Andrew (Alexander Hodge) overreacted in my opinion, but I’m glad he left Molly with her own thoughts (in that beautiful ass apartment overlooking LA night lights with a particularly fragrant looking glass of red).
Those self-care Sundays seem to at least have her open and relaxed enough to take a suggestion or two from Issa. But Issa doesn’t have a stellar life, so how can she talk shit? Do you have to have a perfect life in order to give someone advice?
Earlier criticisms of the show include that it centers too much on Issa and Mollly’s relationships with men, and that the friends Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) and Tiffany (Amanda Seales) are underdeveloped characters this season – but we were only 1 episode in at that point.
Personally, I like seeing black women in these complex situations, always with that really relatable awkwardness that Issa Rae has been so good at capturing since she first came on the scene with Awkward Black Girl.
A good love story is my favorite type of story, especially a chocolately, caramel-ly, almond buttery black one, so I am not mad at all about the emphasis on romantic partnerships on this season or any other. This THREE-lationship, trio, throuple between Issa, Condola and Lawrence can evolve on for the rest of the show – I can only imagine how deep and entangle this web can you get and I’m loving it.
Don’t waste your time asking yourself repeatedly, “Was I the one in the wrong?” Am I not good enough?” The answer is not important. What’s important is that you always maintain your relationship with yourself and God, The Universe, and your higher self.
Over the years, the most important thing I’ve come to know about friendship is this: friendships ebb and flow.
Hard to believe, but I’ve been FRIEND ZONED! I just wrote about the friend zone and setting boundaries in relationships in my last post.
I’ve been talking about this for a while in this space, the blurred lines that can sometimes occur between friends when there’s an attraction. It’s often a thin tightrope to walk.
Lately, I’ve been thinking that if I were giving relationship advice, I would advise women to never tell a man from jump that they’re not going to be intimate with him if they have an initial attraction to him, unless there was a reason that you need to say it out loud and make it a point – that is, if he asks. Some things just don’t need to be said, and part of your power as a woman is living in that mystery that men find so alluring. Not because they find it alluring, but because it’s a part of your power.
Also, if there’s an initial attraction there, you might just change your mind, and you might want to exercise that option years later because friendships are built to last.
I’ve been intimate with a few of my really good male friends. Sometimes it was because of one night of overflowing passion that finally reached a breaking point, and others it’s because we tried to have a relationship and for some reason, decided against it.
Because the friendship was solid for years, I didn’t have to worry about losing someone or the energy becoming awkward indefinitely because we had sex. We were beyond silly games, and we respected each other enough to where we could talk about our needs.
I’m grateful for these relationships. They are stronger than ever before, now that I make it an intentional practice of nurturing long lasting friendships. Maybe I’ll write about that next week.
Maybe I’ll write about that next week. But THIS week tho! I’ll tell you how it all started. I’m pretty open on my Facebook page. I am rebranding, quite subtly, but I’m really only trying to reinforce positivity and love on my page. People take notice.
One person in particular did, and since I knew a few of the people he dated, I figured he was cool since he hasn’t been excommunicated from the community.
Mostly, I just follow my intuition on these matters.
I’m an Aquarius moon, so it’s natural for me to have friends from all over the world, from all walks of life.
He commented on some of my posts and we sparked up a conversation. Soon we were talking on the phone, and at this point, I still didn’t know exactly what he wanted from me. I knew this man was older, and he seemed to talk about money more than was tasteful. But what intrigued me was that he was taking a class to improve his business skills, while having already ran a profitable business for 4 years. I researched it and it seemed legit. Anyway, I wasn’t going to invest in his business or anything, which is now being dissolved I believe – but I’m very careful where I put my energy these days, any relationship I form is, in fact, and investment.
Our first conversation on one evening lasted hours, which didn’t say much because I can talk for hours with no problem. He did most of the talking anyway. I enjoyed listening. This is a skill I wanted to cultivate more skillfully for my own self-development. It’s been working. It’s funny how the Universe responds to your intentions – I’ve been meeting some serious big talkers lately. Refreshing.
So, he eventually invited me to a party, but I got robbed! Larceny was performed (funny way to put it) on my vehicle that week, so I didn’t go. Plus, I was tired. I didn’t feel like the drive, and I wasn’t quite sure about this one yet. I was sure that I wasn’t really attracted to him in the way of romance, but in my new practice of keeping silent until there’s a reason to speak up, I didn’t feel the need to mention it. I did ask what he expected, and he said he just wanted to chill. Being so forthright when speaking about how he dealt frankly with other women, I didn’t feel he’d feel the need to lie to me.
We didn’t speak for a while, then one day he texted me saying, “I want to speak to you about something.”
“Sure,” I texted back.He called me and said, “Listen, I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed our conversations, and I’d really like to keep you in my life – as a friend.”
He called me moments later and said, “Listen, I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed our conversations, and I’d really like to keep you in my life – as a friend.”
Well that gave me pause.
“And that requires a conversation?” I asked skeptically, with a bit of an attitude even.
“Well, actually… ”
And this is where it gets interesting
“…In this class I’ve been taking, they said one of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is to not express your intentions from the beginning. If you don’t, how can both parties’ expectations be aligned?”
This was definitely new for me. I didn’t think I could apply this piece of advice of telling him what I wanted, until after I knew I actually wanted a romantic partnership with a man. Then slowly, but surely, (that’s the goal) I begin to give him more and more responsibility and see how he handles it. Only then can he be a viable partner in my life.
NOTE: Becuase I hate when bloggers are making it seem like they’re totally following all of their own rules and perfect at everything, I want to say that this was only what I learned AFTER screwing so many relationships up. I mean by putting ALL of the responsibility for my happiness on the other person, by actually getting UPSET that they had other things to do besides be with me (now, I actually LOVE busy, PRODUCTIVE men) and exploding into angry, emotional outbursts and pouring out my heart to them that I have abandonment issues that they’ve triggered by not calling me back. So yes, I HAVE MADE THESE MISTAKES and here you’ll see me LEARNING from them. That is all.
Now, back to me literally being friend zoned – this was happening and I didn’t even catch it – but I liked it!
Not only did it take the pressure off of me of wondering what this new man who wanted to be in life expected of the times we would hang out and enjoy each other’s company, but he was straight up about it. It was a verbal contract. There was no mystery – there didn’t need to be – we’re just friends.
And friendship is a beautiful thing. I’ll never devalue it again.
I didn’t feel slighted. I didn’t feel less attracted to him OR less attractive. I felt relieved and empowered.
Sooner or later I won’t care at all what men want from me, or other people in general. I’ll show up with what I’m ready to give and leave it at that.
But I’m still navigating approaching all of my relationships in a new way.
I take full responsibility for my feelings, and you take responsibility for yours. It IS a process.
And in the meantime, some clear boundaries don’t hurt. In fact, they actually help.
What should you take away from this? Maybe I’ll revise what I said earlier: establish what you want from the relationship as early as you know it – but don’t let anyone pressure you into making a decision before you’re ready.
The friend zone is a pretty comfortable place. Kick your feet up, and make yourself at home.