Satisfied look on Issa’s face as she was walking down the street was everything, as the shot panned over what’s looking like my new home…
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Missed the last episode? See last week’s review.
Maybe the prior criticisms that were thought to be premature were right – the story was lagging and becoming complacent in its focus on the romantic relationships between Issa, Molly, and their men. That’s why episode 6 does not disappoint.
The writers proved to understand their audience by bringing them some very introspective Issa centered content, and I loved it.
The earlier seasons were building up and beginning to focus on Issa and Molly’s friendship solely but they still involved men and their relationships with them as part of the reason they were drifting apart. But not this time.
I love DM slides, and I love how the show uses them to push the story forward because ain’t that what happens in real life?
I could hear the black community collectively sighing when Issa was considering sending Nathan that first text. And why? He hasn’t done Issa as “dirty” as hardly any of the other major relationships she’s had. Yes, ghosting is bad. But betrayal and lying are worse. I think it’s safe to text Nathan. I like Nathan for Issa because he helps Issa get out of her head.
I was confused though. Maybe I missed something but…Nate was in LA the whole time? And even though he’s generally still on my good side, I wouldn’t necessarily trust him with my personal friendships. She ain’t had to tell him all that shit that went down with Molly. That wasn’t his business.
Keli is slowly becoming my favorite of the 4 friends. She’s funny, she’s randy, and she’s not afraid to be proud of lying. I think more people should shamelessly reinvent themselves like she does with every new guy.
I love how the block party incorporates the diversity of Issa’s impeccable and up to the minute music taste. Throughout the show, her musical influence appears to have been consistent. It just feels like her stamp is on everything.
But the fight though. I truly undressed the point that Molly was trying to make, but she kept pushing her.
“I love her but I just don’t really like her right now.” – Molly
You know, I was listening to Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D., a psychologists talk about friendship on her podcast. (It’s only 9 minutes, you should listen below). She talks about 3 major insights that people don’t really think about when it comes to major friendships in their life.
Or maybe Issa just needs a whole slew of friends. I really didn’t like the way Condola made it seem like Issa had something to do with her and Lawrence breaking up, and gave her that judgemental, light-skinned stare. Issa had nothing to do with it! But we still don’t know the results of that late-night slide DM slide that Law gave Issa. I wonder if the show will circle back around to it.
Of the different attachment styles (look them up, it’ll blow your mind), Issa appears to be an avoider. She has probably benefited from having a friend like Molly who pushes her to actually talk about things that she would probably more than likely avoid forever (like me). But, the toxic and destructive way that Molly approaches problems has just run its course with Issa.
Issa continually “dismissed” Molly’s relationship by making one-off comments about how it wouldn’t last. But Molly has done that to Issa with many areas of her life: her job, her block party, even her relationships. Molly feels ignored, excluded, and betrayed. Issa feels stressed, pressured, and blamed for doing nothing wrong. It’s the perfect storm.
You’re going to be most offended by what you’re the most sensitive about. But how do you approach someone about something that’s bothering you without bringing negative energy into their life?
An even better question, how do you allow someone to grow? Here’s more insight on that from a therapist.
Listen to the podcast below:
I want to do my small part in progenating conversations about this epic show. Usually, I write essays that 4 people read. And in order for me to get faster with posting, I take notes during the show on scenes that I will commentate on before the final credits roll.
Because today, I spent 5 hours cleaning my very small room in my parent’s house.
Today, I threw away tons of old stuff representing old thoughts that are clogging my pipeline I’ll be using to siphon off 6 figure blessings as a full-time writer.
And today, I ate a smoothie bowl with a special brownie crumble on top, so…
Today, I’m high.
And if you want a more in-depth (in order) analysis of this episode?
I knew from the thumbnail that it was gonna be a problem. And then I heard the squeal in Issa’s voice when she bumps into Lawrence….with Condola….in her summer fresh skin, boobs poppin, and CORNROWS.
This chapter of the story ended with a will they or won’t they cliffhanger, and we got to see some of the issues emerging in Lawrence’s and Condola’s relationship that are revealing themselves now that they’re settling into coupledom.
The tough questions are asked:
Lawrence to Condola:
“Are you still getting over your ex?”
Condola to Lawrence:
“If Issa hadn’t cheated, would you still be with her?”
And Issa’s brother to her about Molly:
I want to talk about 2/3 of Issa’s Throuple first:
Condola is starting to get on my nerves. She’s impossibly bubbly and polite – almost to a fault. When she was first introduced on the show, I thought she was a better communicator than Issa, who we know can be terribly avoidant and shut down. But Condola is also not being totally upfront about her feelings in this relationship. When obvious haziness about where each one stands as far as the status of the relationship comes to a head after a Friendsgiving Dinner, (but isn’t it April though?), she passive aggressively answers Lawrence’s thanking her for inviting him with a, “Well, technically, I didn’t invite you, but I’m super glad you came. It was definitely better with you here.” All said with a smile of course. WOOOW.
And technically, she DIDN’T invite him. He DID invite himself. And he not being able to take that reminder with a laugh and move on only indicated HIS insecurity with their status, in the relationship AND in life (more on that next). But she made it seem like she would have invited him, if it weren’t for him- “I didn’t know you wanted to come.” CLASSIC MOVE, shiting the blame. (Could Condola be a Cancer?)
Later she said she didn’t want to put pressure on him – that could be true, which is understandable, but all of this just seems like in an effort to not rock the boat. She would keep her mouth shut while slowly holdong on to resentment, rotting inside.
And then it came out. She WASN’T feeling him and Issa’s ease of friendship. But what pisses me off about her, and I was rooting for her, is that she clearly was not OK with it for way longer than she had indicated that night – but she would rather stuff her feelings down to keep the peace. Don’t be that type of woman. It’s bad for you, it’s bad for relationships…and it’s bad for women.
Part of me can’t help but think that Lawrence is feeling a bit out of sorts with Condola. Issa reminds him of his comfort zone. Being with a woman like Condola feels like it can be a lot of pressure for someone like Lawrence who ideally wants to provide, and at least pay for dates. Condola’s house, and friends, all hint at a lifestyle that he couldn’t give Issa and still can’t provide for Condola.
And I’m not sure he wants to. Her drunk friend doesn’t seem to feel that they’re a long term match either. Just when I thought she was going to do some inappropriate flirting with her friends boyfriend in her fabulous kitchen while everyone stiffly chuckles about something expensive in her den, she blurts out that Lawrence is just want Condola needs – a rebound.
Lawrence seems like he needs and desires a bit of ratchet to go with this refinery. And Condola doesn’t seem to have a bit of ratchet to go with her righteous. I know for me, I can be in rich spaces, but sometimes I need a dive bar just to feel grounded. I’ve always been a bit rough around the edges. I think that’s what Lawrence loves about Issa – even though she’s progressing, she can still meet him where he is.
Still, if he tried to come crawling back to Issa now, while in the new relationship with Condola, maybe it will be fucked up love story. She cheats, now he cheats, but not on her, but with her, and with her friend…It would just be a hot mess that would prove Molly right – Issa might be getting in over her head.
At least she started getting real with her brother about it. At least she admitted that she does hold a bit of resntment towards Condola. And I’m sure Molly could be a great friend to her during this time of realization if she didn’t keep brushing her off.
(I had to put this out NOW because it is so good! 😭)
#FOMO. We all deal with it sometimes, when we feel bad about hearing about the latest song 3 months later when everyone has already been boppin’. Imagine the insult and injury added to being a writer; in this world, everything is old by yesterday.
So I forgive you for not knowing about these YouTubers, who have been pushing the envelope of intelligent, well-researched and uniquely opinionated content that I’m coming to rely on for my sole (soul) sources of social commentary and even news.
But I’m creating a new ling. #MIMO. Mad I missed out, and I’m guilty, but you don’t have to be. Just don’t sleep.
Channel: Smart Funny & Black Entertainment
The most commercially successful of this queenly sodality, and my current bae’s biggest celebrity crush, you may know Amanda Seales from all the many ways she’s made her indelible mark in entertainment: Her early YouTube series, her stint in the group Floetry, her one woman show, her books, her Netflix stand up comedy special, or her casting on Issa Rae’s produced and directed Show Insecure.
But I’m not writing about her first because she’s the most famous. I’m writing about her first because she’s had the fortunate tenure of having her outspoken, hilarous and often cynical take on politics, history, entertainment, feminism and women’s issues, college and Millenial life and more, in more ways than YouTube. It’s not her primary outlet, so her ways of reaching people are and have always been very dynamic. She is a maverick, a rebel, a Tasha of All Trades, so I think it will be easy to find a way to start to get to know her.
In this featured video from Amanda Seales channel: Her and Issa Rae team up for a lively conversation on Side Effects of Being the Boss. This conversation is so special because Amanda has a really candid conversation with one of the THE MOST influential Black woman of this generation. She is the voice of the generation that I still want to be. I love the comraderie and the love between these two, and the very specific, relatable, enviable, and sobering conversation they have about creative work, burnout, or simply not ALLOWING yourself to take a break. Could that be because as Black Creatives, we are afraid of losing the commercial success we’ve gained?
You have to manage your life different. That’s what “bossing up” means. It’s not just about being a better boss to your employees, it’s about being a better boss to yourself.
I’m mad about this one. I had the opportunity to really get into Jouelzy years ago, back in 2016, around the time she went to Ghana and was talking about that. For some reason, I jsut didn’t get into her, and so this is a serious case #MIMO, (Mad I Missed Out) because not only does she give great cultural context and opinion on the various cities she’s lived in and how Black they are (which is an important aspect of Black living that many major outlets tend to ignore when speaking about the culture of a city) but she also in an aspiring PhD and is very transparent that process.
Jouelzy is transparent about everything, from her relationships, to her non existing one with her father, to her income on YouTube, and her feelings on race, the YouTube community, politics and more.
She even has a book club that is not free, where she breaks down books by prominent (although not so well known) Black feminist and other Black female authors. Jouelzy really stands for Black women. She has maximized her platform and hosts original series like PopSnark, Live Reviews of shows like Insecure, and popular YouTube influencer content like #GRWM’s (Get Ready With Me) and although she has stated her own wig line.
In this featured video from Jouelzy, she breaks down a ton of pros and cons about living in one of the most up and coming cities for young black professionals, Charlotte, NY. Her stream of conciousness style makes it hard to nail down every topic but that’s what I love about her, it hooks you in and takes you for a ride you don’t want to get off of.
Channel: For Harriet
Kim is another one whose opinions were so strong, clearly articulated, yet so different from mine, (I first started watching her around the time of the 2nd season of She’s Gotta Have it on Netflix) that I was just turned off. But because bae kept mentioning her, I had to give her another chance.
After all, she’s an intelligent self proclaimed black feminist (black feminisim is different from mainstream feminism and has different target groups and goals) with a PhD level vocabulary. It literally feeds me listen to Black women like this, wether I agree with them or not.
She sits on her floor in front of that gorgeous vintage budoir looking green velvet chair and has managed to turn her blog (which I DID check for when I started blogging back in 2012) into a thriving channel. She hosts live conversations and mainly does pop culture commentary but it intersects with news and culture commentary. Her channel even has a membership. And she doesn’t only watch and talk about Black content. She’s well rounded with a very sharp, almost incisive point of view. But you don’t have to agree. Just watch.
In this featured video from Kim, she talks about one of her most noted and memorable theories, that beauty is a bad investment for women. It definitely deserves a rewatch. As a love a culture blog I feel this deserves a deep dive all on it’s own.
I’m giving them to you like I found them.
I’ve sifted through the ocean of podcasts out there to find the ones that are related to health, wellness, sexuality, and embracing and owning your female core.
They’re relatable, they curse, and they’re not afraid of ass & titties, i.e. unabashed feminity and sexuality. They identify as BLACK, and I love that even more. Some are life coaches, some are just motivating. I don’t agree with every sentiment and opinion, but I’ll be highlighting some that I do.
Podcast: Not Your Mama’s Podcast
I love Lauren’s energy. I’ve listened to a LOT of podcasts and meditations and I have to say her WokeBae album is just what I needed because she doesn’t sound like the typical Valley Girl accented white girl that even some of the Black girls sound like, and she definitely brought the fierce feminine inner woke voice you need to get through you a long day working on your business, a presentation, or a difficult conversation with bae, or yourself.
She also serves in the form of her blog that has fun shareable quick lists of self love tips, Bella Luna Wellness that provides health and wellness services for women, like vaginal and anal steams (anal steams are new for me!) and Not Your Mama’s Podcast that she has done for a few years with my next feature, Stefanie.
With all her brands, she has a multitude of ways you can interact with her. Follow her on IG and do this writing exercise on her blog right now because it’s free and it’s a tool I’m personally using to create the magically fucking delicious life I deserve.
She also has a newer podcast called LaLaLand’s Podcast. I’m listening to “Episode Won” right now where she talks about her personal business journey in the wellness space.
Podcast: I SAID NO!
She goes by Coach Stefanie, and she’s one half of the Not Your Mama’s Podcast podcast, and I love her accent. Maybe I just miss New York, but I could listen to her voice all day. It’s thick, robust, even curvy. I think the sexiest women have the deeper more sultry voices. Because I do. So that’s my reasoning.
She runs the nonprofit emotional architect firm Better Life Choices New York where one of her specialties is supporting people in recognizing, creating and maintaining their personal boundaries. She expounds on this in her podcast I SAID NO – (#ISNPOD). I listened to the Forrest Gump episode. I really like it because she adds in segments related to nostalgia, and reserves a special section for the men. We love men over here.
Follow Stefanie, do your research on all the thigns she does, and continue on for 3 more fabulous women who are providing some yummable content for your corona quarantine self improvement and spiritual development needs. I know you’re busy, but you have time for this.
Podcast: Analog Girl Podcast
Toya D is a health and wellness podcaster whose sole media presence centers on her journey with anxiety, imposter syndrome, mental health and wellness. I love this because these are topics I want to explore more on this blog, especially related to ADHD.
I listened to her podcast with Stefanie (see? rabbit hole) and it was awesome how transarent she was about not being picked over a lighter skinned girl in high school, how she feels that affects her to this day, and her reason for being bald. This was an awesome episode to see who two Black women in the wellness space who are also creative entrepreneurs support each other’s work.
Podcast: Christal Clear
I disovered her by checking out the likes section of one of the other podders on this list. (I’m basically giving you a journey of my personal rabbit hole.) I like her because she’s one of those people who probably isn’t trying to be funny, but her tone has an underlying hint of sarcasm in everything says. Yet her content is very introspective, and you get the feeling that she’s just mustering up all the confidence she has to keep her promises to herself, which is something she addresses in her last show of the year, Reached My Goal. She really knows how to get you think within in a quiet kind of way. This is a podcast to listen to if you don’t want to feel alone with the voices in your head.
Podcast – All About the Vibes
This is my girl! I hit her up on IG just to let her know I was doing this post. She never responded. But give her time! The reason I like this show is because it’s REAL. Some people come off as personalities, or just really good at talking AT you, and I admit, I’m one of those who can get very “presentational.” But I like her stream of conciousness style that wasn’t too pretentious or comical. It just was, and she’s into the EDM scene and other music communities in LA (I found out about her from VoyageLA), so that was interesting to hear things that I’m not into yet. I really enjoy being exposed to new things.
The fear is the most negative thing about this whole shit.
-Jade Woods, All About the Vibes Podcast, “The Rona” Episode
I’m so wet right now.
Why does it seem like every time we watch another episode of Insecure, they shave a few minutes off of the episode?I can’t believe they left us hanging like that – is it going to be the end of the season that we finally see why Issa and Molly are no longer friends?
I’ve talked a lot about friendship on this blog, – particularly when they hurt, or when they end. Sometimes you move on from a friendship because you feel betrayed, you outgrow the relationship, or you realize through actually getting to know them that the connection was really shallow and you never had enough in common to form a deep bond in the first place. Still, something was keeping you there.
This definitely isn’t the case with Issa (Issa Rae) and Molly (Yvonne Orji) . We can see they’ve shared similar values and views on relationships, and their lifestyles contrasted just enough to where they’d be able to feed off of each other. I think each one is slightly envious of the other’s life in what started off in a healthy way. Issa may wonder what it’s like to be in a highly respected role in society as an attourney while she’s slowly rebranding herself. With her choosing to go into nonprofit as a career, she doesn’t have the lush and expensive lifestyle that Molly maintains while still having time to date and hang out with friends.
Molly seems to be jealous of Issa’s creativity and ability to bounce back after the heartbreak of her 5 year relationship ending with Lawrence (Jay Ellis), and the carefree attitude she has towards the new men that come into her life – and life in general.
As good of a compliment as they are to each other’s lives, the show is definitely setting the scene for there to be a huge fallout or a friend break up but it’s just not getting there fast enough. Maybe that means that they’re doing a good job.
Molly’s character was way more relatable in this episode. On the surface and in Episode 1 of this season, she just seemed like a scared and bitter friend who was hating on Issa’s preoccupation with building her new life, creative alchemy (using the resources she had to create something new) and as awkward as it was, her new friend who just happens to be Lawrence’s (her ex’s) new boo.
But now, Molly’s softer. I see more a sisterly concern for her friend than bitchy bitterness in this episode. She’s scared for Issa, she knows how sensitive she can get about Lawrence. Sure, Issa seems over him, but it was a 5-year relationship – an on and off again relationship that broke Issa to the core and has taken her a long time to recover from.
Not to mention that it’s safe to say that the show is presenting the new girlfriend, Condola (Christina Elmore), as a step up from Issa. She seems like a lot of what Issa seems to be striving for or already has – a cushy career in entertainment, killer style (did you see those boots she had on as she was walking down the ave?), that same carefree bubbly attitude, and, dare I say it…the man of her (Issa’s?) dreams?
It doesn’t make it any less complicated that Issa needs Condola in order to get the next step she’s getting to in life. Which is kind of ironic, because she broke up with Lawrence because he wasn’t where Issa thought he should be, and now he has totally leveled up.
So I understand Molly’s apprehension and discomfort with Issa’s and Condola’s new girlfriendship. How can Issa judge Molly’s life choices in relationships when she doesn’t seem to have the career she wants or the man that she wants? It’s quite clear that she does seem to have something that Molly doesn’t, which is a kind of inner peace, but a now that I’m closely examining the situation, this could be just what Molly called it out to be – a hot ass piece of shit mess that Issa refuses to see is eventually going to hit the fan. Molly doesn’t want to see Issa hurt again. Not like that. Not by her own naivete and immaturity.
Molly seems to be open to correcting her behavior after the fact – but like most deeply ingrained defence mechanisms and bad habits, she doesn’t seem to be able to fix it before it happens. That tells me she’s not dedicating as much time to self development so that she can prevent these problems before they start. Does she truly want to change?
But this time, I think Molly was right. Asian Bae Andrew (Alexander Hodge) overreacted in my opinion, but I’m glad he left Molly with her own thoughts (in that beautiful ass apartment overlooking LA night lights with a particularly fragrant looking glass of red).
Those self-care Sundays seem to at least have her open and relaxed enough to take a suggestion or two from Issa. But Issa doesn’t have a stellar life, so how can she talk shit? Do you have to have a perfect life in order to give someone advice?
Earlier criticisms of the show include that it centers too much on Issa and Mollly’s relationships with men, and that the friends Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) and Tiffany (Amanda Seales) are underdeveloped characters this season – but we were only 1 episode in at that point.
Personally, I like seeing black women in these complex situations, always with that really relatable awkwardness that Issa Rae has been so good at capturing since she first came on the scene with Awkward Black Girl.
A good love story is my favorite type of story, especially a chocolately, caramel-ly, almond buttery black one, so I am not mad at all about the emphasis on romantic partnerships on this season or any other. This THREE-lationship, trio, throuple between Issa, Condola and Lawrence can evolve on for the rest of the show – I can only imagine how deep and entangle this web can you get and I’m loving it.
Note: This was written about six years ago from the date of publication. And I think I published it 3 years ago but took it down. It’s a good piece and the updates are ironic… I might even have to do a part 2 for this one!
I have not written in a while. I moved from the state I was living in after 12 years with not many clothes in tow, and apparently I developed a relationship thereafter, and also started a new business. I’ve started school, got a little p/t job, took a leave from that job, reconnected with a few old friends, traveled, started driving, and released the need to call it anything but happiness and bliss.
That’s right. I have a new epiphany about naming things. While listening to Michael Jackson’s new album I realized that my most recent relationship transition reflects this song:
A place with love and happiness, a place that you don’t want to leave, and it has no name.
My current partner told me today that he wanted to be friends.
And I realized that it’s what I want to. He told me he loves me, and I still love him, so I thought, really this is the best of all worlds.
See, I should have learned this from my last relationship, but I guess I’m putting the nail in the coffin for this lesson:
Titles don’t get you Love. Only Love can get you that.
Somehow, in That One Moment, every obligation towards him and all expectations of how the relationship was supposed to be was dropped. I was imprisoning myself with thoughts that I could never be the woman he wanted me to be in all the ways he wanted me to be.
I compared myself with other women in and out of his life, and I even started to care about his whereabouts a whole lot more than I ever like to care about anyone’s. You may call it crazy, but I call it a fucking miracle that I was able to release those negative thoughts, for the most part, in an instant, with the words: “Let’s just be friends.”
It’s not the first time I’ve experienced this with a love in my life. It happened with my first boyfriend, who was ironically named Mychal Jackson!
(Lol omg I totally just realized the synchronicity, Thank You Universe.)
We were cool for so long, telepathically connected, and very much in love, however, there were certain things as a middle schooler that I just could not give this high schooler. And then I had an attitude, the pressure was building, I met a girl he was cheating on me with at the skating rink, (literally bumped into her in line and we plotted to confront him once we got inside, lol) Finally, I broke up with him.
Then we became friends. And our relationship became sweeter and more solid than ever before.
Then, in a more previous adult relationship, I was building with a man who told me that he couldn’t even put a title on what we were. He said something to the effect that what we had was undefinable. I was stuck on wanting to know “what are we” at that point, and I learned from that relationship that you can eventually be the “girlfriend” and still get shitted on.
Then I had other boyfriends and I was more unhappy in the relationship than out of them. Same person, same city, different “relationship status.” I learned to stop asking for the title and to ask God for the person who would bring the Love that I too was so ready to share.
From that point, I never cared about having a title between the person and I, although I still dealt with ownership, jealousy, and insecurities that reared their ugly head with a fervency that I had never known existed within me before. (Let the shadow work begin.)
Now, I have new goals that are evolving every day. Instead of wanting to be some man’s “piece” I focus on the type of woman I want to be. Sometimes I get sidetracked, but I am learning to correct the mistake of believing that someone else, even a loving man whom I adore, is responsible for my happiness 24/7 or even for a minute.
My current situation has taught me that I still have work to do in this area, but that is one thing I admire about myself: I never give up on the work of continually discovering who I am. Nothing makes me waver from that.
I do believe the new/old adage is true: “Relationships don’t end, they just transition.”
And I feel a sweetness in the surrender, in following his lead, in trusting the Universe’s path of least resistance. I feel certain in trusting that this was my answer to my prayer of what to do (which was really just to trust and let go). I feel secure in the feeling of me standing by my principles to do all of the above.
I feel good in the release of the pressure of feeling like certain things had to be done by him, and by me, rather than just enjoying each other’s company, attention, and love for each other. And being okay with him being an autonomous person who wants to do what he wants, because I want the same freedom from him. (We often give our friends way more freedom than we do our partners. Somehow, our partners are more like our prisoners than a true person who we trust to do what’s best for their own growth.) It feels so good to know that without the prospect of being “in a relationship” that I am not afraid to lose his love, which I was so afraid of when we were “more than friends.”
It feels really good to know that I’ll always have Love. And that’s real. Timeless, Title-less Love.
Note: Stay tuned for Part 2, 2019 version! I got updates on ALL OF THIS!