Art, Celebrities, Culture, Dating, Important People, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation

Scary Boring.

I’m not a regular person so don’t come at me with regular conversation.

Sure small talk is good but actually, no wait. It never is.

Small talk is uncomfortable, and awkward. Even worse, it’s small. It’s insignificant and unless it’s a sweet nothing keep it.

Social media. Don’t know ya, so you can’t just say hey. Even if I do know ya, you can’t just say “What’s up?”

EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IS UP!

So Imma need you to come a lil’ more correct.

I have about 3 friends who I speak to on the regular now. Make that two. And we never say just “hey.” We get to the point. We got shit to do, places to go, and “benevolent, progressive institutions (i.e. T. Leacock)” to birth.

I’m setting aside myself as one of those self proclaimed genius weirdos and I mean it. I’m going to start going ape-shit on people who have the nerve to tell me they want to get to know me because they’ve seen me on social media, baring breast and soul alike, and have the nerve to serve me up a dry ass question like I got time for them.

I only have time for interesting, genuine, fair people.

And that is all…Peep the conversation that was the inspiration for this post…

Him: So, wat shld I first knw about you
Me: google me. it sounds fucked up but…its really that i hate when ppl want me to open up all about me then i have to expend all this energy giving my life story. no thanks
buy the book. or just get to know me. i don’t think anyone has ever gotten to know someone by asking them about them. most ppl don’t even know who they are they just fumble around through this earth
so watch them. absorb them. give something. but i’m not telling you shit. fuck that. i have friends. and i say this with love. but it has happened one too many times
Him: You shld re-read wat I ask,tell me the first thng I shld knw…like for me,imma daddy first..nthn is more important…the rest you will learn in time as so will I..
Me: no.
i read just fine. im just bored to death with the question. there is not a first thing you should know about me, there is a first that I should know about me
that answer will be different for different people
but as long as i know who i am, it doesn’t matter what u know about me and i cd care less
lol
im literally laughing out loud!
u are a child of God and you are love. however this conversation isn’t worth my time in the least. i have a lot of research to do. way too much and im fired up. but i will use this conversation. our time is over now tho. Goodbye.
Him: Take care,good bye..

I feel like the female Kanye West right now…just on another planet…and cocky too 😉

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Art, Culture, Important People, Life, Nature, New York City, Nonprofit, Personal Liberation, Race Relations, Relationships, Reviews, Sex, Sprituality, Technology, Travel

What Does it Mean to Be An Artist?: 30 Musings, 30 Days

bohemeI’ve decided that I’m an artist in the most all encompassing sense of the word, and there’s no turning back.

But it doesn’t mean that I’ve decided to be broke, defeated, or an outcast.

I decide to channel my Divine Life Purpose through the creative means of writing, blogging, singing, acting, performing, modeling, and talk show hosting, vlogging, concepts, ideas, etc.

In honor of this and all the artists out there, I want to publish 30 musings over the next 30 days about what it means to me, and other amazing artists who will be submitting over the month of November.

Stay tuned for this.

My Dad once asked me if I had any homework. I said “no.” He said, “Well, create some!” So, I’m doing it.

LIKE THIS PAGE: http://www.facebook.com/helesetheartist

And you can visit me on Tumblr at helesetalks. It’ll all be posted there anyway.

It’s weird to self plug, as an artist…but as a creative who must learn to earn…

Such is life.

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Art, Culture, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Sex, Sprituality

I Want a Haven for Artists and “Losers”

apt

To be naked

To smoke

To BLAST music at an absurd volume (with a great sound system)

To have sex…LOUDLY….

This is what I need.

Universe, I put it out there…

A bitch needs her own space.

Now I’m serious. It’s been long enough. Let it be sustained by the community. Let it be a place for healing and creativity. Let it be a place of rest and sanctuary and intellectual stimulation. Good food, great massages, and just a little illegal but righteous activity for good measure. (Balance people, balance.)

I wanna take showers with friends and lovers and let homeless people come over for a hot shower and a good home-cooked meal.

I’m about that Brooklyn  life.

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Life, Nature, New York City, Personal Liberation, Sprituality

Monkeys on My Muthaf*ckin Back: Depression, Productivity, and Self Love

toonpool.com

toonpool.com

As  I listen to a Louise Hay YouTube video about self Love, I realize that I’m not really all that fucked up to need it.

But I do, in fact, need it.

For the past 5 days I’ve been pretty much laid up-sure I went to an event recently and I really enjoyed myself, but mostly I’ve been in bed, resting, writing, meditating.

Sounds pretty productive right?

Well according to my new definition of productive, yes. Anything that has a positive result for me now or in the future is productive.

But that new definition is taking a while to settle in, or rather, sometimes I forget.

So I feel guilty for not working, for not being the traditional mode of productive.

But alas…I am creating.

But this is just one of the monkeys that I have to get off my back, damn near every day, just to get up!

It’s not easy. But I have reached my breaking point and it’s either die or stay alive.

I know I have all the tools in order for me to rescue myself.

So every day, even every night, I make a decision.

I will not die. I will live, and to my fullest potential.

A Course in Miracles says the Holy Spirit only guides you to something that you can do NOW. Well, I can say an affirmation now.

“I deserve the best out of Life, not because I’ve done anything good, but because I AM.”

I can choose to look at the situation with Love.

Last night one of the things I did before I went to sleep was to Mother myself.

I imagined a set of hands, older woman hands, not my mom’s during this lifetime, but maybe someone from ancient times. She spoke English though.

She said, “It’s ok baby. Everything’s going to be allll right.” And she caressed my face while I cried in her arms. I just imagined this maternal graceful spirit totally encompassing me…She said “I know baby…” And she wiped my tears away. And I just rocked in her arms while a tear or two rolled down my face.

So, I would advise everyone to chill the fuck out…because I have noticed that although I have lost damn near everything several times over in the past year, feeling like all hope is gone…I am more centered and believing that everything is going to be OK more than ever.

I’m creating more often than ever. And I’m putting it out there!

And I’m more clear on my purpose than ever. And I’m doing something about it!

I’m convinced that this bump in the road ISN’T the end of my journey. So I keep keeping on. I’m doing herbs, self soothing techniques, shaking up my routine, and simply not believing in the monkeys and the lies they tell anymore. 

I’m doing more stuff than ever to help those monkeys go back to their trees, or caves, or jungles, or where ever the fuck they came from. Despite them coming to hang out every once in a while, the Universe has got my back. But they don’t belong on my back. 

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Culture, Dating, Life, Nature, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sex, Sprituality

PUSSY EMPOWERMENT Convos with Graceful Empowerment

  • In honor of the my most recent period, I want you all to have a glimpse into the kinda shit I talk about regarding it. Yes, I HIGHLY REGARD IT and it’s power. This post is featuring Graceful Empowerment, of www.gracefulempowerment.com, (Pussy Empowerment is her Facebook group) 
    Armana Helese Fyuquin So….the current happenings with my womb choice happened right before my cycle Grace…and NOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO CLEAR
    23 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Armana Helese Fyuquin My blog post talks about some of it.
    23 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Graceful Empowerment What is that you need to clear Goddess????!
  • Armana Helese Fyuquin So, I created exactly what I feared. I always feared my wc wouldn’t attend the play I was in. And it happened. I started a silly argument a few days before, he wished me luck, was very sweet, but was no where to be found. He had a death in the fam, plus he didn’t know where him and I stood. I DEF feel like this weekend was highly charged emotionally. Now, after we talked, after the show closed, I think we both know where we stand now, in our feelings to each other. Now the WONDER WORKING BLOOD MUST CLEAR ALL THAT STUPID SILLY SELFISH PETTY DOUBT away
    23 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Armana Helese Fyuquin So, I am clearing the primary doubt which is the possibility of any disconnection to my source-which gives way to the secondary doubt which is the fact that i would conciously choose anything that isn’t for my growth, that i would choose to commit to ppl or situations that aren’t for my highest good, that i would attract someone who isn’t my reflection…so i chose someone good for me. i chose to do this ride as long as they were willing and he shows me he is willing. the third level of doubt is doubting HIS feelings for me. But those are born out of the primary doubt which is the failure to remember that i am always loved on everything by everything to everything ….
    23 hours ago · Like · 1
  • Armana Helese Fyuquin That I AM WORTHY…
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Culture, Life, Nature, Personal Liberation, Sex, Sprituality

My Body is a Temple…

It's a temple. Some temples are underground and secret and only the initiated can enter.

Some are for public worship, for the downtrodden and weary to find some solace, drop a burden of shame and guilt, or uncover a part of themselves that has been lost.

I prefer the latter in certain situations…

Sometimes I prefer the former.

What I’m saying is that…it’s my choice to choose how I want to display my body…

With the recent M. Cyrus happenings I realize we have hardly come that far when it comes to understanding this simple concept…

Showing your body is not defiling it. To display or express sexuality is certainly not a sin! It is natural, more so… it’s HEALTHY. It brings people together.

Case in point: My womb choice told me he watched a video of me shimmying (read: shaking my boobs) and he couldn’t be mad at me anymore. I mean people can say a lot about that but he has plenty other pictures of me naked and clothed, even TRYING to be sexy. But this clip, of me just wild and free, having fun in my natural state, with my body in a state of movement…this is what allowed him to drop any grievances he had against me.

I received a lot of flack for baring my breasts in the park because children might see. You take your children trick or treating…a holiday to celebrate some of the images we may see if we experience a dark night of the soul…and you even dress you children to make them appear bloody and beaten, or even like a cute little piece of candy to be eaten…but for them to see breasts…lol…is um….ok. Breastfeeding…well some people are against that too.

The insanity is beyond me. All I know is that it’s going to take a lot more people like me who, yes, have nothing better to do than to flounce around while naked. (I’ve been accused of having nothing better to do than to simply live and express myself as a natural being who feels it is everyone’s right to express themselves no matter how much it may disgust or alarm another individual…ok I may have to eat my words on that one, but you got me there!) Note that I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong or too simplistic…

But the best lives are simple…just let me live man. Nakedness and disrespect have nothing really to do with one another right now. I’m sick of the correlation being made especially when it comes to women and their value of themselves.

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Dating, Life, Nature, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sex, Sprituality

Tonight I Think I Did Tantra. (I feel connected to everything…)

But…can you actually “do” Tantra?

Tonight, Oct. 17, 2013, I was with someone very special, Someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time. Or it had felt like it.

We talked, we connected, we smoked, we laughed, it was the edge of my foreplay.

We kissed, we knew we were to partake of one another’s essence, even if it wasn’t in the physical.

It started energetically. It was a need that I couldn’t quite explain to him but he felt it.

It was a void that he needed to fill.

It was more than just my pussy hole. It was my heart.

My sweet rivers of blood were running…so we knew what kind of night it would be. But I would still take him inside me.

He would draw a silent milk from my breasts, later he would provide a different type of milk for me to rub in.

When I took him deep, I truly took him deep inside of me, to the point where he felt different sensations that he hadn’t felt before.

He described how it felt for me to be wrapped around him and feel my essence drip down on him.

I took time with him. I asked him to trust me.

I hoped he would. It was a hurdle we got over.

It was clear. The hurt and pain had been washed away, along with the doubt.

The tears did it. And maybe the blood.

The wind…the breath.

Now, we were sure.

I was telling him things with my mind.

You know that you have everything within you to succeed. You are a King.

I moved my hands from his abdomen to his heart. I couldn’t take my hand away. My soul was speaking:

You are…

I couldn’t finish, I was simply imbuing him with me…with GOD.

We both felt it. And on the walk home, in the cool night air that I wished would last forever, that I wished would never go away and I remembered fun summer nights…I felt connected to everything.

This planet…when she bleeds I bleed.

Her fucking polluted waters are my blood running along my thighs like tiny rivers and streams, leaving me along with my fears.

She is cleansing, I am cleansing.

I am my Mother, I came from my Mother.

I speak the Tree Language.

Me and my baby take walks in the park for this reason.

My sister cramps and I pray silently that she embrace them and really transform her pain…like I did…like a Goddess.

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Culture, Life, Nature, Personal Liberation, Sex, Sprituality

The Virgin Blood

The blood on the sheets was like a marker, a representation that I was new.

From my blood chronicles journal that I keep about my menstrual cycle:

Tonight I’m letting the blood just flow freely on the sheets, mattress and bed. I know her power now. 

She has the power to wash away doubts fears and worries like Oya brings the wind [and Yemeya, the water.] 
 
And my blood leaving my body brings a peace that I am turning over a new leaf.
And I did…I woke up and realized that I had been penetrated…by a new energy, of Trust, of Knowing, of Release, of Forgiveness.
I had forgiven myself for ever doubting that I could ever not be Loved. For feeling unloved. For forgetting that I am always connected to my Source, THE Source…My God…Us.
My cherry had been broken. Blood on the leaves…blood on the sheets.
I love the way Nature always makes everything new.
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Uncategorized

What the F*CK Have I Been Doing?

…Yeah? Why haven’t I been posting every day?

The format of this blog has been changing, and is about to change ever more.

I don’t want to upload it with a bunch of crap.

It started as funny commentary on some global happenings, (see my first blog post ever) about the Slave Memorial, and soon exploded into a funny following of me, my life, my fucked up relationships, and my spirituality.

I’m not stopping. And now, more than ever, I have space, time, and opportunity to express myself, daily.

Fuck grammar and rules. This is about consistency.

I keep about 5 journals about various aspects of my life. Some of the details get really gritty as you’ve seen me talk in depth about my  birth control pill debacle (which I now have reason to believe was an early miscarriage. No I was NOT happy about that.) This is also the infamous Topfreedom post which got me the most hits ever. (Surprise, surprise.)

If you haven’t noticed I like talking about things that people shy away from because it’s why I was BORN. My life story is a gift for people to learn from but inevitably people will judge. I started this blog as a way to get my voice out. Then it turned into a story of my journey to finding love….well what I didn’t know was….I’m still finding myself and that’s the only journey I’ll ever need to embark on.

Stay tuned! It may get messy….

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Dating, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sex, Sprituality

Can Being Sexy Help with Depression?

Taken backstage at Dionne Fairbanks...top from incarriescloset.com

Taken backstage at Dionne Fairbanks…top from incarriescloset.com

This weekend was bitter sweet.  The sweetness was I had the debut of my acting career (in Dionne Fairbanks) a play that ran for a weekend in New York City, Off Broadway, after 10 years. Many of you don’t know this but acting is what I came to New York to do. I never did though. I did many other things that I felt I enjoyed more, like modeling and singing…and most recently writing and blogging. It’s all my calling. I live to  express.

The bitterness was man I’ve been sleeping with for the past few months wasn’t there to see this triumphant moment in my career. Long story. Actually, pretty short. Death in the family. It’s never expected. I didn’t know about this until the last day of the show. So you can imagine my pain. I was very disappointed.

Still the show had to go on, I had to go on.

So I put on my make up, my costume, my wig, and I took selfies until the pain subsided. I’ve come to terms with the fact that looking good and feeling sexy can help a thousand woes. I seriously have used makeup to improve my mood and I’m not ashamed of it. In an effortless attempt to be more naked emotionally and at a soul level I have stopped wearing foundation on my face. It improved my confidence in a deep way. For the stage though, I went through what used to be my daily ritual of applying foundation and 5 or 6 other pieces of makeup.

If you read in my erotica blog about my exercise in submission with a man I was involved with you will see how sexuality, femininity, and power all intertwine. I have never felt so powerful than when I was utilizing my sexuality. Maybe that’s why in my early 20’s (ooh! I feel so old…being able to say “early 20’s”) I was a fan of one night stands. Many times when I went out with the intention of having sex, choosing the partner, and bedding him, I felt great about it. I walked away lighter. I didn’t understand that sometimes it had spiritual repercussions. But there was something powerful about it.

Feeling bad in the morning (which I’ve started a 6th journal simply about how I feel when I wake up in the morning) can be remedied by getting dressed up and looking sexy that day. I like to be seen, complimented, and I like to feel beautiful, so it helps. Plus, after you apply your mascara…there’s no more time to cry. Still through the pretty, tears are shed. But at the end of the day you have to find the beauty in the ugliness. I feel comfortable in both. But I feel a major boost in my confidence when I emphasize all that makes me sexy.

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