Friendship, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sprituality

You Can Leave, And it Won’t Cost You A Thing

The only thing it will cost you is your spot in line. But only if I don’t feel like saving it.

Over the past several months spanning back into last year, I’ve had many close friends in my life simply dissolve out of it. Some I’ve tried to get back by asking, pleading, shaming, blaming, guilting, threatening, even offering to help, etc.  I realize it’s all a lost cause.

I realized that it doesn’t really matter why they want to leave or even how they choose to do it. All I know is, if you Love them? Let them go. And I mean as far away and for however long they want.

Loving means letting go. And it just feels better, trust me.

If you guys are ever on the same frequency again then they’ll show up in your experience, Law of Attraction will make sure of it.

So, there’s really nothing to worry about.

See, I trust that people know what they’re doing. I trust that people know what’s best for them (because if you truly Love someone, that’s what you want, right?) I won’t even claim to be the best thing they never had, because how arrogant is that?

All I know is I’m doing Me. So, if you want to leave, you don’t have to worry about me doing anything else to keep you here.  Just know that there may not be room for you in my life if you decide you want to come back after all of that begging, chasing, and pleading. You may have to wait until some other relationships die off, or the Universe may simply make it hard for you to get your spot back in line.

Hopefully, it will be easy, because that’s how I like things. But then, that’s what’s best for me. Some like it hard.

Se la vie.

I know I usually write essays, but

“When it’s truth, it’s simple.”

Culture, Friendship, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sex

Becoming Fearless

I’ve been through too much now to think that bumps in the road mean the end my journey.

As I get older and go through more contrasting experiences, I realize that what I once blew out of proportion I just can’t anymore. Like, I literally don’t have the same fears of cataclysmic disaster and destruction that I used to before. I guess I’m being weathered, otherwise known as growing up.

I hope I never lose my enthusiasm though. I remember the puzzled look that must have been on my face when someone, usually a man, would tell me, “I don’t get excited about things anymore.” That sounds to me more like depression. But I was doubly intrigued when one would tell me “It takes a lot for me to get angry.” I want to be in that space.

Right now I’m at the point where I am seeing that there is always more to my journey, and I am no longer afraid that one set back or dissapointment is the end of the world. In this way, I am becoming fearless.

I used to want so much more from people than they were willing to share. Now I’ve connected with people who wanna give me their all as much as I bare my soul to them. It’s no longer about CONTROLLING these people or convincing them to give me more than they want in the types of ways I see fit, it’s about me accepting whatever love they can give at the time. Many would call that accepting scraps…I call it going with the flow. I’m never without love. And the more I tell myself the lie that I am, just because I may be feeling lonely, neglected, hurt, or abandoned is like a slap in the face to God.

So, do I ever have to fear being alone because one person wants to leave me or change the nature of the relationship and throw me off to the wayside as if there was never any connection there? No.  I really can’t afford to fear, because I have a feeling I’m being prepared for something great, even if that greatness is simply the rest of my life.

Someone once told me that I have the intense power to build and destroy, that I’m a major contradiction. I didn’t deny it. They also said they too have that same power and that instead of using their destructive power on people, they would rather use it to destroy systems.  I  guess our relationship was a system they wanted to destroy.

Nonetheless, I’m OK. I cried a little longer than I wanted to, but I didn’t reject support when it came. I leaned on it and used it to stand up straight again.  I’m in the presence of people near and far who love me and want to see me do well. I’m more than just a big ole’ contradiction and a flower petal that goes where the wind blows, I’m a person who consistently wants Love.

And I know the Love is there. When I took a shower I opened my heart to the water and imagined all the Love from the Universe pouring into me, and all of the negativity of the day washing off.

Opening my heart to all the Love in the Universe.

Opening my heart to all the Love in the Universe.

I stepped out of the tub and was naked, vulnerable, and open…and felt what it must feel like to be a fearless woman.  So fearless that I’ve already forgiven myself and him, because I know God is looking out for me and Love is there to cushion the blow of any pain, any loss, any hurt, any ending. I can’t say I wanted it or could even imagine it this way, but I can truly say that I have no fear of the future. My life is a gift and I’m open to the journey.

Celebrities, Culture, Events, Personal Liberation, Technology

A Negro Helps KKK With Their Education


A blank page is like a new beginning. How many poets and writers throughout the ages have waxed poetic about the thrill they get when they look at a blank piece of paper, whether on screen or in real life? It is a type of thrill isn’t it? It’s a change to begin anew.

I want that chance. I have it every time I start a new piece; it gives me life, and a great sense of accomplishment when I finish what I set out to start.

But do you know how many unfinished drafts I have that I started even as far back as about a year ago? They’re dangling like my cheap $1 earrings, like the particilples that (I hope) never do in any of my published work, like a pair of proverbial testicles which comes to mind anytime anyone mentions the word “cajones.”

I think it shows commitment and tenacity and seriousness when you finish what you start. I wanna do that with my college education, but money is a factor.

There is one man who is doing something about that though, and he is a Negro of all things. (I’m sorry, I’ve been reading a book in which the main character is a racist.)

I know it’s a bad choice of words, but I choose to use that word because it let’s us know that we have progressed a lot as a society, even though we’re still in the process of realizing that we are all one. I just have to sit here and think about how amazing we are as African Americans, Afrikans, Nubians, Moors, etc. We are a group of people who have gone through some of the worst treatment in history, and everyone is still feeling the repercussions about 500 years later…

…We have definitely overcome, that shit NEEDS to be celebrated, and I’m always excited to shed light on one of our shining examples of the unbreakableness of the human spirit.

Read about the man who is helping the KKK (Kommunity Kollege Kids, my fun and eye catching description of his demographic, not his) finish their education: where prices have become too high, Gene Wade, a man of color, has started University Now, an affordable brick and mortar and online college with transferable credits to California local community colleges.

Watch the video below where Gene Wade talks about “Building the World’s Most Affordable and Accessible Private University.” Read about this man . Support the campaign by donating or spreading the word, and by understanding how amazing this model is for revolutionizing higher education in this country. And they say I’m a bad influence on the kids!


and Relationships, Culture, Dating, Friendship, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Relationships, Sex, Technology

The Power of Sexting

Do it because it makes you happy.

For all my adult females…Just do it.

Tap into your inner sex Goddess and just tell him what he wants to hear. Be creative and laugh a lot. Hide your phone from your co-workers, and tap away. This post is coming from a really horny place, but it has been argued that there is no such thing as lust, and no such thing as horny. I have read doctors, teachers, and love coaches say that when you are attracted to someone, it is actually because you have a “gift” or even some would say a type of “spiritual medicine” for them. In his book, If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love: And 365 Other Principles to Heal and Transform Your Relationships , Chuck Spezzano, PhD says just that as one of the principles. So there. A doctor said it. (For those of you who place a lot of value on titles.) Also, Kenya K. Stevens of Jujuama also teaches women who take her Womb Choice Class (I took it and it changed my perspective forever) that there is a no such thing as lust, and that tingly feeling you feel in your uterus and vagina when you see a man you’re attracted to is Spirit telling you that there are wonderful opportunities for growth when you enter into relationship with that person. Doesn’t have to be sex, and sexting is a safe alternative.

All I know is, most people who have free time during the day are on their phones. It’s a quiet way to express yourself to the one you’re interested in while on the bus, train, waiting for your flight to take off, or have a free moment at lunch. And my own personal experience has shown that I seem “happier” and “more alive” if I am trying to find enticing words to fit the images of what I want the person to imagine. I get great satisfaction from knowing that they are quite stimulated by my words. I have to think fast, be impulsive, edit, proofread, but also be discreet. It helps me multi task and keeps my juices flowing. It helps me be a better writer. Someone passing by me on the street actually told me “You’re happy” today, and my day went smoothly. It builds anticipation between you and your sext partner, and it also can be a way to find out what one other likes sexually, if you even plan to take it that far. Long distance relationships can benefit greatly as well, as you never want to go too long without letting someone feel your desire for them, even if they’re miles away. The many benefits of sexting are undeniable.

I have never been disappointed while sexting except when I started thinking too much and wondering…is all this person wants from me? And then I have to remember that that is impossible because I’m Helese! Everyone knows there’s so much more to be than that. If I remember who I truly am, all is always well. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta hit send now. My sext partner is waiting on a hot juicy response and I’m totally open… Happy Sexting!

Culture, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Politics/World Issues, Technology

The Helesian Renaissance: 2011-Present (Why I Chose Media as a Means of Re-Birth)

renaissance –

ren·ais·sance (r n -säns , -zäns , r n -säns , -zäns , r -n s ns). n. 1. A rebirth or revival.

The Helesian Renaissance: Manifesting Goddesshood through Rebirth

On the heels of a snap decision to move to a small “hippie town” called Yellow Springs, Ohio (I’ve been wanting to leave New York for a while now, updates on that coming soon), I’m really excited about the opportunity to totally emerge myself in a culture wehre I feel free to explore it and find my own niche within it. When I visited 7 years ago, I was relieved by the fact that there, you don’t have to look good, you just have to BE good. I’ve always wanted to be admired for my mind, not just my face and body and face. They are equally important to me as a being, but, my face and body have gotten alot of attention in recent years. Now it’s time for people to hear and feel my words. I call this the my Renaissance because I truly feel a shift, a huge transformation in my perspective on the events that happen in my life and where I choose to put my energy.

I have recently decided that I want to be great and make a huge impact on society. I like to do this simply by living, but I want it to be publicized and I wish for it to generate money, material things, wonderful friendships, and “first-time” experiences. I see myself starting trends and calling attention to ones that have already been started, (such as my T.I.T.S. Movement concerning topfreedom).

I would like to to be the first person to have ever done something, and I may have already broken barriers being a Black woman who chronicles her experiences of going topfree shamelessly in a fear based society and getting interviewed for it, and while I am still able to use the high I got from that experience, (especially having the support and presence of those near and dear to me) to laugh through moments as akward and downright creepy as an episode of Awkward Black Girl or The Office a few days later, this accomplishment is still not enough for me.

Not enough people know about the subsection of the American black female population who are intelligent, delicate, sexual, spiritual, articulate, and close to the Earth. Not enough people know about me! When I began studying media and becoming really interesting in filmmaking, I was in high school and took an intro to film class in high school, I remember being bored out of my mind but also disappointed in that we were forced to watch Birth of a Nation by D.W. Griffith. It had nothing to do with my present experience, (or anyone’s if you take the film’s interpretation of reality literally) nor my desired experience,  and the filmmaker probably had never considered that a young precocious Black woman like me would have to analyze this film. It was about the slave trade and showed slaves to be less than human, “unintelligent and sexually aggressive towards white women,” and portrayed “the Ku Klux Klan (whose original founding is dramatized) as a heroic force.” (Source: Wikipedia. Don’t judge me. I actually DO  research. More of that to come.) I knew not then what had to be done about this type of propaganda that perpetuates self hatred among  even worse, a self denial among Blacks and unnecessary and counterproductive white guilt. I had much earlier mentally checked out of the public “fool” system altogether as early as 5th grade anyway, so I didn’t expect much at that point, but still, I was disenchanted.

Fast forward to college to when I took another film class. We watched movies like Amelie and Nanook of the North, which were more relatable: Amelie’s cuteness on screen and her adventurous nature I could relate too. It wasn’t as heavy. I’ve always felt a connection with the Native Americans too, as my lineage is strewn with them.

I’m not saying the point of every movie is to be relatable. But I am emphasizing the importance of people, especially children, seeing representations of themselves of what they desire to be, on film.

Films are programs, and these images and sounds are downloaded into the brain when one views them. They become ingested by the soul, encrypted in the spirit. The research is there, but I know from personal experience–besides an artful martial arts film, I can’t stand violence, horror, gore, and blood. When I’m sick, it actually makes me feel WORSE! Everything you hear and see affects your health.

I saw many problems in the self image of Black women who were very close to me, and this was only examining my own self hatred. I dealt with my hair and went natural in 2003, I dealt with my fear and fascination of Black men, and started the process of digging up layers of sedimentary hurt and trauma caused by situations with my father and other Black men who I felt harmed me.

I decided I want to undo some of the negative stereotypes of Black women in the media by producing media that showed who some of us truly are, and while we are unique, I hope I’m representing even a bit of you… and I hope the rest of you will give me a pat on the bottom for giving it the old college try.

Speaking of college: I’m going back.

It’s something that will change my life forever and now is the perfect time for me to do it.

“I just decided that I want to be great.”

The above quote was my Facebook status just a few days ago. I was looking at a Youtube video of Oprah speaking about Maya Angelou and her influence on her life. I embody a few characteristics of both. Despite all of the the conspiracy theories I’ve entertained about Oprah and how she got and keeps her position in the media, and Maya Angelou, who’s greatness over the years has been damn near forgotten by many in my generation, I have come to my senses: the positive impact of these women on people’s lives, especially black women who have the added effect of them being someone who looks like them, who they can see themselves, in is undeniable.

They made me see that even though my method of getting attention may never be theirs, I want to impact people’s lives the same way, especially young black women.

Sept. 11th, 2012–Two more high school young women came up to me to inquire why I was topfree. I took pictures at their request, and encouraged them to look at the blog pertaining to my movement. It’s one small thing I could do to inform them that there’s more to this than just what you see, even in my actions.

That is exactly what I want the world to see about them, that you can’t judge them by their looks, or even their actions that you see for a few seconds on a news clip. You certainly shouldn’t take any of the caricatures you see of them on film seriously without doing some reflection on the industry as a whole. And more importantly I would like for them to see this about themselves. This is the reason for the shift: as I give birth to a new me and manifest Goddesshood, they birth a new image of themselves as well. They will realize their dynamism, their potential, the Goddess in themselves. May they have their own re-birth and be inspired to have a Renaissance of their own.

Celebrities, Culture, International Relations, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Politics/World Issues, Race Relations, Sex, Uncategorized

Pre-Election Day Dreams: President Obama Saw Me Naked

long braids implied nude

Maybe there are some suppressed sexual implications for my dream of being naked in front of President Obama…I mean, who doesn’t have a crush on the man? Hence my flirty shoulder and smile 😉

Yeah right! In my dreams! No, really, it was:

I was at my grandmothers house in the backyard, completely nude. My brown thick yet long and slender body was glistening in the late afternoon Georgian Sun. Somehow President Obama with his entire family, the first lady and the two girls, pulled up in a car. I don’t know how an entire street ended up in my Grandmother’s backyard,  but that’s besides the point: the President saw me naked! He motioned with his head to the two girls in the car, as if to say all cool like, “What are you doing, put your clothes back on!” The girls were eating McDonald’s of all things, it was as if they were on some type of road trip. (Maybe just to see me!) Michelle looked a little confused as to what was going on, but she wasn’t outraged, just going with a flow, a study in femininity.

He got out of the car to deal with the um, situation, of me being naked. Or maybe he just wanted to stretch his legs for the pit stop, because that’s the last anyone else in the dream even mentioned anything about my me being bare. I’m not sure if anyone else in the dream ever saw me, but I was starstruck. I couldn’t believe the President was here, to see me, and let alone I was naked. This was such an epic moment! I wondered if he knew about my topfreedom movement and my quest for love and personal liberation. And full nudity is something l’ve always wanted to try in public as well; being that I was in a private setting (although I can’t really imagine doing it at my Grandmother’s house) this was a perfect place to test out how I felt in my own  skin in a literal sense. I just knew I’d get an interview with him and this would make my hits online soar. I walked up the stairs to the laundry room of my Grandmother’s back porch, which is an extension of the kitchen where she also keeps her freshly baked cakes and pies, and went to tell the rest of the family like my aunt and my…Grandfather? He transitioned several years ago in July 2008… yet he was alive, shiny, dark, thriving, tall, and very REAL in my dream. I’ve dreamt of him before and he was always at peace. He actually pulled the President aside and said “Come here son, let me talk to you for a minute.” He put his arm around him and they began to walk away to exchange father and son like murmurs, and the most touching thing about it was that President Obama was totally receptive, respectful, and eager to learn from an elder Black man who was a political legend in his own right in the small town of Commerce, Georgia. (Riley Harris was a politician, preacher, veteran, father, husband, grandfather, writer, and he built my Grandma’s and his house with his own two hands. He was my hero and I supposed that’s why he shows up in my dreams ever so often, a symbol of what my “dream man” would be.)

Another strange part of the dream I was in the salon, my hair was dyed (I promised myself in my waking life that I would never do that again) and I was pressing it (also banned). While this was going on, suddenly I COMPLETELY lost my hearing. It was quite strange. I could see people’s lips moving, but I couldn’t hear anything: The whir of the blowdryers, the click clacking of the hot curlers (suspiciously similar to the sound of the overseer’s horse’s hooves on plantation hard-packed dirt roads), or the senseless gossip. Then without warning-It came back.

So there you have it: President Obama and Helese, who was naked. Go figure! If anyone interprets dreams I’d be happy to hear what you think of this one. Care to find out more about what goes on in the depths of my subconscious mind? I might continue sharing my dream life if this post gets enough comments!

Culture, Events, International Relations, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Politics/World Issues, Race Relations, Technology, Uncategorized

This Friday Live: Radio Show will Discuss T.I.T.S. Movement and The Social Politics of Black Female Sexuality

My deepest fears of ridicule by the intellectual and academic world are being obliterated now that on this Friday, September 7th, 2012 I will be interviewed by Dr. Richard Cooper for his show “Karamu” (which means “feast” as in “food for thought,” click on his name for his bio), along with the former Director of the Human Sexuality Dept. at Widener University in Philadelphia, and more. Many students from the graduate program of Human Sexuality/Social work will be calling in to express their views. See the piece to be discussed, “Topfreedom: The Right to Bare Breasts” here. It promises to be TITillating!!!  Details outlined below:


Date: Friday September 7, 2o12

Time: 4:00PM EST

Show: 900 AM Wurd (

How Listen/Ask a Question: Call 866-361-0900 or 215-634-8065 or go to and CLICK ON PLAY BUTTON in the red banner at the top of the station’s website to stream LIVE! But you can’t join the conversation unless you call! 

I trust all of you will listen in and post your comments here. Again thank you for your support on my quest to raise important questions and seek personal liberation. Join me!

Update on 9/12/12: THE SHOW WENT WELL! Unfortunately,  the former Director of the Human Sexuality Dept. at Widener University in Philadelphia could not join us. Stay tuned for the recording of the show, as I will be sharing it with you as soon as it becomes available for listeners who missed it. Thanks again for the support!

Update on 5/3/2020: Going through my archives, removing the topfree photos as I feel they’ve done their work. There’s no link to that radio show now but you can listen to my very new podcast here. I can smell you following now…😊

Culture, Life, New York City, Personal Liberation, Politics/World Issues, Technology

Topfreedom vs. Real Freedom

I woke up this morning with an intense need to discover what it truly means to experience real freedom. It’s the number one right out of all the basic human needs that people have fought and died for, because if you start with that all other needs will fall into place. I wonder why that is?  Right now in my heart body and soul I know exactly why the phrase “Give me liberty or give me death” became so popular, not only was it ironic that a president who would later be involved in the slave trade could say such a thing (and none of the textbooks throughout my day pointed out the irony) but even right now I am feeling restricted on many levels. The more research I do, I find that I have had liberties taken away on such deep and broad levels that I don’t even realize just how easily the neck of freedom can be crushed by the boot of oppression. To be honest, I don’t want to think about it.  The ultimate expression of being human is to express the essence of God in you. To me this is peace, love, and neutrality. Another important concept I associate with my idea of God is omnipotence. God is everywhere at all times, free, like the air, and to me that is a satisfying illustration of freedom. It gives me a sense of understanding about what it truly means to be free. There is the freedom to think for one’s self without being bombarded with media propaganda, the freedom to move about without being confined, the freedom to go anywhere in the world without having to show a document that says that you “belong” only to this or that country. I don’t know if we will ever live on that type of planet Earth, it seems we’ve g one too far away from having personal and collective liberty, and I don’t know what we will have to do to get it back.

For example, as a country, we have agreed to give up certain freedoms because we have been told by the government that it will make us safer. Freedom of privacy is one of the major ones that has been systematically chipped away. Now we have to identify ourselves so that our moves can be tracked, and more technology  is being introduced to the masses over time to streamline that process so that it’s even more efficient at predicting your next move by configuring all of your past ones. It’s a fear mongering technique to tell us that “there’s someone out to get us, so we need your cooperation on identifying every living soul on the planet” and it works, and it has caused us even to support killing others who were just minding their own business because we need to eradicate people who are “jealous of our lifestyle.” Do you see how our need for liberty can be politicized so that people can have their way with us as “citizens?”

If I had to choose a place that comes to mind when I think of freedom it would be California-The Sunshine State. The desert in Arizona might work for me as well. I feel like my time in The Big Apple is winding down. I never cared to much for apples anyway, but I have ALWAYS loved sunshine.

Feeling like I need a life plan, a way out of this madness of putting myself in positions where I must answer to someone, I stumbled upon a self determination assessment by the UIC NRTC Self-Determination Series EXPRESS YOURSELF! ASSESSING SELF-DETERMINATION IN YOUR LIFE, Prepared by Judith A. Cook, PhD, Carol Petersen, MA, and Jessica A. Jonikas, MA. It’s really intended for people with mental illnesses, but I say it’s arguable as to whether we aren’t mentally handicapped ourselves as a country, as a world, considering the ways we have been tricked into believing we are in a free country, a free world. Below is a list of statements that I pondered and realized that so many of them do not apply to me (i.e. “My basic human rights are respected” See my post on the Right to Bare Breasts), and that is simply unacceptable as a woman who is committed to exploring ways of living out my personal liberation (simply put: my dreams.)

How many of you can say yes to ALL of these statements? They only scratch the surface of what it really means to be free on every level of your being; they touch on economic freedom mostly, although some statements explore the freedom to choose who is around you. It’s kinda deep.  If you can honestly say yes to every statement, I will give you a virtual dollar. But the satisfaction in itself should be enough.


_____I decide whether to live alone or with someone else.

_____I control who can and can’t come into my home.

_____I can choose where I live.

_____I choose my own friends.

_____I decide whether or not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

_____I have people in my life who respect my values and choices.

_____I decide how to be part of my community.

_____If I want to go somewhere, transportation isn’t a problem.

_____I’m able to stand up for myself to get what I need.

_____I can deal with abuse, whether it’s verbal, sexual or physical.

_____My basic human rights are respected.

_____I’m free to choose the kinds of goals I want to pursue.

_____I’m able to choose my medical doctor.

_____I freely choose what kinds of medical treatment I get.

_____I decide how involved I want to be in my medical treatment.

_____I have the money I need to live the kind of life I want.

_____I have the final say over how I spend my money.

_____I’m able to control my finances in a way that enhances my life.

_____I feel responsible for my financial future.

_____I decide whether or not to work.

_____I choose what kind of work I do.

_____I choose where I work.

_____I know how to deal with prejudice and discrimination.

_____I’m able to avoid people who show prejudice toward me.

_____I have people in my life who accept me for me.


So, according to this list tell me, are you really free?