Culture, Dating, Life, New York City, Relationships, Sex

Losses and Losers: Giving Up On Love

A girl can only be so positive all of the time. I listen to my online YouTube gurus just like the next technology addicted New Age person but a long hard look at things can sometimes bring everything into perspective. Yes, everything is still hunky dory, but I’m a little bit discouraged.

My dating life has been shit for the past two years. I don’t really count the first year that I’ve been single, because I wasn’t focused on dating. I had taken a vow of celibacy and it was really good for me. In fact it lasted longer than a year. And it ended on one of the best nights of my life. I think that’s when my life took a turn for the better for the most part, despite the string of losses and losers that I encountered because of my impatience, my failure to see what was in front of me, and my refusal to take things slowly. I have to admit it: I rush into things, and I dive into relationships head first. In the past year, there were three times where I SWORE I was in love.

This post was sitting for a couple of days before I decided to actually finish it. I don’t call that procrastination, I call that waiting until I’m ready before putting my heart into something. And that’s the lesson that I’m supposed to be learning about right? I actually learned from the losses that I can’t bring my expectations to the relationship and get mad when things don’t pan out the way I think they should. I damn sure can walk away though. I also learned to take my time, and this is a big one: no sex before monogamy! I learned that a friend can’t be a boyfriend just because of sex. I also learned that guy friends don’t get to come over and “chill.” Well, not ones I like, and some of them just don’t know how to act once they get some.

From the losers  I learned something equally if not more important. I don’t know what’s active in my vibration, but in the past few months I’ve either attracted stalker types, or people who are flaky as hell: like asking me out and forgetting, asking me out and then I never hear from them again. Yeah, whack as hell. Losers. But hear me on this: I would rather die than settle for less than I know I deserve: honesty, respect, affection, love, quality time, and just a quality person- period. Why would I need to? I got porn, I got vibrators, I’ll get a stack of reality show DVD’s and a dog, and I’ll be alone. I’ll be damned if I settle. I’d rather give up on love.

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4 thoughts on “Losses and Losers: Giving Up On Love

  1. Interesting post, but I’m left wondering: Is it truly that easy to give up on love?
    I completely understand and agree with not settling and the opting to remain alone if necessary, but I don’t think that would equate to ‘giving up…’ We all have our standards, and settling for less than should not be an option, but I feel that ‘love’–as it were–will have its way.

    Excellent read.

    • It’s easy to give up on dating, not necessarily easy to give up on love when you have a bad memory like me. I tend to look at the positive side of things, so while I may get fed up, I think when the “right guy” comes along I’ll give it another shot.

  2. Well, you know my perspective is much of the Progressive Love Movement before I even knew about it. Basically, if there is any “drama” its an opportunity to grow and see yourself vs walking away. Sometimes we actract ppl into our lives to teach something of about ourselves or show us assumptions we make of others.

    As I do more work in my feminity (not feminism) I am becoming more sensitive and more vulnerable. Because my energy is shifitng, it creates an energy void that needs to be filled. Meaning since I am vulnerable, someone is there to protect me because a balance must be.

    Although you read of my breakup, I am not guarding my heart. And because I haven’t, I am appreciating a type of relationship that I’ve never had before. As a woman, I seek to bring MORE love into the world vs. suspicion and guardedness (if thats a word) because I have to give3 what I want to recive. Anyway you slice it, Love of Attraction, Universal Truth or Karma, I want love, truth, compassion, compassion, flexibility, devotion, dedication, blah blah blah, I must be it… actualize it in my own life.

    Thanks for sharing… I LOVE BLOGS!!!!

    • I just like to call it having standards. As I realize the kind of relationship I want, the way I wanna be treated, people tend to fall away, but I guess I have to go through them first in order to have that realization. It’s all a learning experience.

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