A girl can only be so positive all of the time. I listen to my online YouTube gurus just like the next technology addicted New Age person but a long hard look at things can sometimes bring everything into perspective. Yes, everything is still hunky dory, but I’m a little bit discouraged.
My dating life has been shit for the past two years. I don’t really count the first year that I’ve been single, because I wasn’t focused on dating. I had taken a vow of celibacy and it was really good for me. In fact it lasted longer than a year. And it ended on one of the best nights of my life. I think that’s when my life took a turn for the better for the most part, despite the string of losses and losers that I encountered because of my impatience, my failure to see what was in front of me, and my refusal to take things slowly. I have to admit it: I rush into things, and I dive into relationships head first. In the past year, there were three times where I SWORE I was in love.
This post was sitting for a couple of days before I decided to actually finish it. I don’t call that procrastination, I call that waiting until I’m ready before putting my heart into something. And that’s the lesson that I’m supposed to be learning about right? I actually learned from the losses that I can’t bring my expectations to the relationship and get mad when things don’t pan out the way I think they should. I damn sure can walk away though. I also learned to take my time, and this is a big one: no sex before monogamy! I learned that a friend can’t be a boyfriend just because of sex. I also learned that guy friends don’t get to come over and “chill.” Well, not ones I like, and some of them just don’t know how to act once they get some.
From the losers I learned something equally if not more important. I don’t know what’s active in my vibration, but in the past few months I’ve either attracted stalker types, or people who are flaky as hell: like asking me out and forgetting, asking me out and then I never hear from them again. Yeah, whack as hell. Losers. But hear me on this: I would rather die than settle for less than I know I deserve: honesty, respect, affection, love, quality time, and just a quality person- period. Why would I need to? I got porn, I got vibrators, I’ll get a stack of reality show DVD’s and a dog, and I’ll be alone. I’ll be damned if I settle. I’d rather give up on love.