Culture, International Relations, Life, Politics/World Issues, Race Relations

Dark Girls- A Film Review

As I sat in the legendary Apollo Theatre, which I had just performed at in September, I knew that I was experiencing an event that was truly epic. As the dark girls the moviebeginning credits of the premiering film began to roll, the song playing in the background made my heart smile because the singer spoke true words about black women: there aren’t many songs written about our beauty.

I wanted to hear something positive. I didn’t know what I was in for. I wanted something that would make me feel warm inside. I expected the unexpected from the movie Dark Girls. But then in one swoop I was disappointed. I heard the words “enslavement” and talk of trauma passed down to us through our cells, post traumatic stress disorder and such, and I took out my pen and made a note to myself, “Got-damnit!” When are we gonna stop talking about this same bull-”

…I guess I became like a lot of white people in that way, I was just sick of hearing Black people talk about the history and presence of racism and it’s very real affects on Black people’s lives in general, and Black women’s in particular, self image. I wanted to hear something I hadn’t heard. And I didn’t wanna hear about me being oppressed. I’m living my dream right now. I’m in my bubble. Ain’t nothin’ oppressing me.

I guess it’s because when I first became “conscious” as a Black woman, meaning I studied some of the history of my people, (some hidden, some public) I really came into my own. It started when my sister gave me her copy of The Auto Biography of Malcolm X. I indulged myself in so called self-righteousness. I read Roots, I hated white people for a while, and I was a Black supremacist for a while. I think that’s what can happen when a person is well read on a certain topic. They get “over-zealous.” Instead of letting the highs and lows of life (which is a really good teacher), sound wisdom passed down through generations, and a really good book that has been banned from the library (just to spice it up for good measure) teach them some universal truths, we tend to get one-sided with the information that we obtain. So at that point in my life I was pretty unbalanced.

When I really started to be real with myself, my life began to open up in new ways.

I felt a knot in my stomach, like I was leading a double life, when I said that white people were the devil. I knew it wasn’t true. I knew it couldn’t be that simple, because if it were there’d be no need for me to continue living, because they simply cannot be escaped. And neither can my skin. One time on Facebook I posted “sometimes I wish I could forget my skin.” Not because I felt less than beautiful. It was because identifying with it too much made me feel less than spiritual. And in a way, less than connected to other humans. Less alive.

Basically, I didn’t wanna be sad for the rest of my life because I have melanin. In fact, it’s a reason to praise God.

I still remember riding in my Mom’s red station wagon pretending my skin was lighter and that I had long brown curly hair, and that my sister was light skinned too. But by the time I was in 5th grade, my sister told me I needed to get more Black friends, “dress Black” and start reading about my culture. I still love her for that, because it was important for me to interact with other children who were experiencing some of the same things that I would. It was just good to have one more thing in common with them.

Honestly, I don’t live inside a white supremacist framework anymore. That framework can only exist in your experience if it exists in your mind. I never said I was color blind. It’s not that I don’t see the difference in race in the wider context, but when dealing with individuals, I must feel their vibe first. (I’m sooo New Age in that way.)

So, I actually thought I had this whole movie Dark Girls wrapped up. But about 20 minutes into the movie, I realized I was wrong. That’s when I put my pen down and stopped writing. I realized that on this road of colorism there were some twists and turns I hadn’t yet seen, and I wanted to take my shades off and really take it all in.

What I realized about colorism, is that when you look at it through the many lenses that the movie does, you see that the rabbit hole goes as deep as one can imagine. I felt literal visceral responses to what was being said, good and bad. It would have been ideal if I could have paused the movie and had discussion upon discussion about almost every scene. Some of it made me angry, but maybe not for the reasons that one may think. Others just made me, more importantly, want to ask more questions to everyone around me, including the people in the film. The filmmakers, the characters in the film, and the person sitting behind me. This film will make you want to TALK. I have to give it to Bill and Chann (the co-directors/producers of the film), they threw me for a loop. Talking heads and oft reused b-roll can be powerful if the words spoken are from the heart. The real stories and accounts from real women who had once lived their life in skin that made them feel less than enough took me for a ride. But who knew the journey would be so rich, nuanced, so bumpy, disgusting, sad, disheartening, riveting, exciting, and beautiful? It made me feel a little guilty for not going out of my way to support more media that focuses solely on this issue…but then, I had to not beat up on myself for being where I am in my life.

There was once a time where if it wasn’t Black media, I wasn’t buying it. And I criticized and nitpicked every mainstream piece of media I saw. I thought my world was going crazy, my friends were watching Friends DVD’s and not bothered by the fact that there was only one Black woman in the whole series, when the show is set in New York City, the melting pot of the world. But now I’m just into what makes me laugh. And now that I’ve truly accepted the fact that regardless of all the scientifically proven superiority of melanin versus lack of melanin, spiritually, we all have a chance to live our dreams. Dark Girls burst my bubble. But tonight, as I close my laptop, I will go back into it, my crazy world in my head, where everyone forgets their skin, and doesn’t see a Dark Girl, they just see me.

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Dating, Friendship, Life, Relationships, Sex

Stuff Single Girls DON’T Say

1. “I talk a good game but deep down inside I’m full of insecurities about why I’m single.”

If I’m real with myself I can say that I have a load of reasons why I’m single. It’s true! I know that on the outside, I’m stunning. I know that I’ve got a great personality, and quirks that are endearing. But I also know that I have a dark side. A side to me that can be very cold and cruel. I can be extremely nurturing, sexy, giving, emotive, give you best meal and p****y that you ever had in one night and look good doing it. And I can even make your parents think I’m a good girl even with this filthy mouth, lol. (Mine always fall for it.) But somehow I feel that that’s not good enough. Because if I really sat down and told you the string of bad luck (or bad choices, as an enlightened person would say) I’ve had with relationships, you would wonder, maybe as much as I do, what is wrong with this picture?

Wait. I’ll tell you what’s wrong. Firstly I’m not clear on how I wanna do this post. Should I actually list what single girls are really feeling but are afraid to admit? Or should I just write? All I know is that I wanna come from the heart on this one. But then, when do I ever not?

This weekend has been enormous in terms of friendships and confessions. I felt the need to kick someone out of my life, because they just didn’t get that I don’t trust them after what they pulled here. We just didn’t share the same values when it comes to courtesy, respect, and common sense. They kept persisting and grew irate when I wanted to put boundaries on the friendship so finally I just blocked his number.

Then, I reconnected with a friend who actually told me that for years he had a strong sexual attraction to me, and said that’s why he DIDN’T really want to come over, chill alone, etc. Even though he could have totally taken advantage of the situation, even could have led me on if he wanted to he chose to exercise some self control. I used to have a huge crush on him a few years ago, so that coupled with my recent desire to have intimacy, fall in love, and be all cuddly, and just plain horniness, I would have been easily led I’m sure. I respected the fact that he didn’t see an opportunity for sex and just jump on it. That to me is a trait of a responsible human, a real man. In addition to that, the fact that he told me  that when he didn’t have to  is the character of a real friend.

It made me raise the bar, and that’s when I told my other “friend” who was so selfish that he couldn’t see past the tip of his d***, to kick rocks.

I had another situation where I got a text saying “Are we friends?” from someone who just a few weeks ago I invited to happy hour and he all he responded was “Nah I got plans.” He’s usually not that short. I brushed it off though.

He continued, “If we’re friends I need to be real with you.”

Wow. This type of thing seemed to be happening all too frequently in the past few days.

He confessed, “You hurt my feelings and now I don’t even know what to say to you.”

me crying

I'm hard on the outside but soft in the center.

I don’t know what it was but I think I’ve learned to not try to figure out things over a text message, and just wait until they can explain it fully over the phone or in person. I repeat: never try to “text” an important conversation. When we got a chance to speak I realized that there were things that I had done that were probably a result of some way deeper issues that I had with this person, and with myself.

And it let me to blog this right now, because I think I was still hurt by the bittersweet words this person said to me after I inquired about the “definition” of our relationship. (We had sex a few times, expressed our feelings, you get the picture.)

His words, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now, but if I were, you’d be someone that I’d want to be with.”

Through drunken tears I silently made the decision that any affection I had given him, friendly or more than friendly, had to end immediately. I swore I wasn’t gonna make the mistake again of giving it up with no guarantees.

I definitely did again. But then you read my blog so you know that.

The point, is hurt people hurt people. Sometimes without even realizing it. And I can’t tell you how happy, touched, and even honored I was that this man would confess to me that something I did hurt his feelings. I didn’t have to chase him down, I didn’t have to wait 3 months of just not hearing from him, like I have to do with even some of my girlfriends (see my last post Dumping Friends.) True, I didn’t know there was a problem, and he didn’t have to tell me, and so I commend that. Besides, it shows that he cares, and I’ve made that mistake before of cutting people off without telling them why. It sucked when they pointedly told me me how immature that was. I make it a point not to do it again, I still slip sometimes, but I’m gettin’ better at being open and honest. And my testimony to all this?

I have only ever gotten the BEST results when I’ve kept it 100% real. Vulnerabilities and all.

This is what this single girl never says, and that’s this: I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll be alone for a really long time. I’m a little bit nervous that someone won’t recognize all of the wonderful things that my friends see in me; that I recognize in myself. I sometimes think that I’ll end up rich, fabulous, and alone, still not having had any children at  33 (when I planned to be knocked up by 29) and continuing to make all the same mistakes that I thought I learned from in my 20’s. You know, sometimes I only want my ex back not just because he was a great guy, but because maybe he was the only one who was foolish enough to love me. I know that when we broke up he said “Maybe you’ll find someone better than me,” while I cried 2 feet away from him, but sometimes I wonder if that’s even possible. And what I’m really scared of is that what I’ve convinced myself of is really the truth, is that whenever a man tells me something from his heart, he’s angling for something. And when a guys says he’s not ready to be with me, it means that no one will ever be.

Sigh. So that’s it.

You know, as I type this, an episode of Girlfriends is on where Ellis tells Joan “You’re so afraid of not having what Toni has (a wedding, husband) that you’re sabotaging us.”  I can’t totally relate to Joan. I know I’ll have a “happy ending” I’m just trying to figure out how the beginning and middle is gonna work out.

Funny how the Universe will bring us confirmation in the weirdest of ways.

So as of today, no more fear about the future. And no more thinking that when a guy stands me up, that it’s about me. No seriously, all that New Age crap about everything in your life is a reflection of you doesn’t necessarily mean that I deserve that shit. As they say in Singlegirldom, “His loss. Next!

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Friendship, Life, Relationships

Dumping Friends

best fuckin' friends

Maybe not.

Sometimes you gotta do it. You have to rid some people from your life. And I mean more than just erasing their number from your phone. Or changing it without telling them. I mean really just deciding that you’re not gonna wait around for them to decide that you’re worthy to be in their life. It’s a good thing, trust me. Often times, you may not even know that you’ve been dumped. Your friend may just stop calling altogether. What I haven’t been able to really put my finger on is how you know if the subtle drifting apart is just a natural occurence (you know, due to schedules, etc.) or if it really means that the person is dumping you.

You see, I’m a friend. And I’ve dumped friends. I’ve also been dumped. And it’s not a nice feeling.

I feel I’ve been dumped most recently from a friend who has literally disappeared for maybe the 2nd or 3rd time since I’ve known her. I mean, it was just weird. She was like really present, all my other friends knew her. We were partying together, helping each other through shit, supporting each other all the way. Then, out of nowhere, SHE was nowhere! A mutual friend said “I think she changed her number.” The about a week later I got a text from her saying “This is my new number…” I was like dayum. Thanks for lettin me know. Then she’s like “Ok, gotta go! Talk to you later!”

I haven’t heard from her since.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I felt I had done enough. I actually hit her up during the whole hiatus and asked her was she ok. For some reason, I felt like I was always the one to reach out whenever we lost touch. Oh yeah, because I was the one reaching out first everytime we lost touch. I got tired of the shit. I told her it was weird and unfair that she does that.

Related FB Post: Really can’t take shit personally, I’m realizing people wanna do their own thing. Why can’t we say so? Why are we so afraid of hurting one another’s feelings…when something doesn’t quite ring true it’s time to understand that some relationships are just meant to ebb and flow, or maybe web and flow…(won’t go past the web.) But that’s cool…wait! I should be blogging this…

And the saga continues…LOL. Hope you enjoyed.

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Culture, Dating, Life, New York City, Relationships, Sex

Losses and Losers: Giving Up On Love

A girl can only be so positive all of the time. I listen to my online YouTube gurus just like the next technology addicted New Age person but a long hard look at things can sometimes bring everything into perspective. Yes, everything is still hunky dory, but I’m a little bit discouraged.

My dating life has been shit for the past two years. I don’t really count the first year that I’ve been single, because I wasn’t focused on dating. I had taken a vow of celibacy and it was really good for me. In fact it lasted longer than a year. And it ended on one of the best nights of my life. I think that’s when my life took a turn for the better for the most part, despite the string of losses and losers that I encountered because of my impatience, my failure to see what was in front of me, and my refusal to take things slowly. I have to admit it: I rush into things, and I dive into relationships head first. In the past year, there were three times where I SWORE I was in love.

This post was sitting for a couple of days before I decided to actually finish it. I don’t call that procrastination, I call that waiting until I’m ready before putting my heart into something. And that’s the lesson that I’m supposed to be learning about right? I actually learned from the losses that I can’t bring my expectations to the relationship and get mad when things don’t pan out the way I think they should. I damn sure can walk away though. I also learned to take my time, and this is a big one: no sex before monogamy! I learned that a friend can’t be a boyfriend just because of sex. I also learned that guy friends don’t get to come over and “chill.” Well, not ones I like, and some of them just don’t know how to act once they get some.

From the losers  I learned something equally if not more important. I don’t know what’s active in my vibration, but in the past few months I’ve either attracted stalker types, or people who are flaky as hell: like asking me out and forgetting, asking me out and then I never hear from them again. Yeah, whack as hell. Losers. But hear me on this: I would rather die than settle for less than I know I deserve: honesty, respect, affection, love, quality time, and just a quality person- period. Why would I need to? I got porn, I got vibrators, I’ll get a stack of reality show DVD’s and a dog, and I’ll be alone. I’ll be damned if I settle. I’d rather give up on love.

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Dating, Life, Relationships, Sex

The List: How Many Are On Yours?

I’m sure you and your friends have talked about it. You know, your number? How many people you’ve bedded, (or bathroomed, or phone boothed, or up against a vanned, but I digress). The question is, why do we even take the trip down memory lane and drudge up old…people? We should just let dead dogs lie.

But still, me and my roommate found ourselves in our living room one day just writing away, trying to see who had the most people on their List. The List never lies.

Strangely enough, most of the people on my list name’s start with an M. Also I couldn’t remember half of them! (There were less than 20, but an exact number I ain’t tellin.) And the ones I could remember weren’t very good memories. There was even one I had to just put as “Rape.” (I can laugh at that now but back then it wasn’t funny.)

The common denominator of all of these guys is that they were male, but that was it. Some I loved, some I  ended up hating, or forgetting altogether. Some I remembered them as an experience but I could barely recall their name. All in all I would say that the good ones made up for the bad. And I regret nothing.

List

Yes, Jesus. And I'm STILL waiting on that second coming.

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Dating, Life, New York City, Relationships, Technology

8 Ways to Reject a Drunk Text

I guess Jay-Z was right. Maybe 30 really is the new 20.

I’m gonna make this short and sweet. I met a nice guy and hung out with him a few times. He had his good qualities and even seemed to get along with my friends. But overall, I still didn’t think of him as anything more than just a cool guy whom I had hung out with a few times. Needless to say I figured common sense boundaries were in place. So last night, I get a text:

omg i’m so drunk. hope we can hang out tomorrow

Being that I woke up early, about 7am, I was quite disoriented to begin with, and surprised to even see a text from this guy… let alone at 4:39am…and a drunk one at that.

Did I mention he’s 34?

Listen, I know I’m only 27, and I’m not the oldest biddy on the block, but I’m too old for THOSE kind of immature games.

I wanted to say “no” in so many ways:

  1. Flattered that you would think of me at such a low point in your life, but no.
  2. Charming (j/k). No.
  3. Like, WTF? Hell no!
  4. Hell to the naw!
  5. Yes….siiiiike. No. (lol)
  6. I think you just texted the wrong person.
  7. No.

I decided that the best way to reject this guy’s lush and ridiculous invitation was to do what speaks the loudest volumes of all. I ignored him. Silence is so golden.

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Culture, Dating, Relationships, Sex, Technology

Ok, Cupid, You Can Do Better Than This: Why I Switched to Niso Soul Mates!

I don’t know what the legal implications are for copying and pasting messages exchanged on Okcupid’s site, I never read the fine print. So I’m just going to say that I paraphrased or “made up” this message and that it wasn’t a real guy who sent this to me. (You can believe what you want.) The title of this post was going to be really long:  Ok, Cupid, You Can Do Better Than This: Why Women Complain About Creepy Men on Online Dating Sites. I’m not going to go through a list of reasons why. Most of them may be bullshit. (They’re not.) But what you are about to read is one good reason why. Maybe I’m being a big baby. Maybe this really IS the 21st century and I should ask out guys, and have random sex, and turn off my emotions and act like it’s cool. But it isn’t. And neither is the guy sending this to me. On my birthday at that!

My name is Scott and I am a very charismatic, fun, and attractive man. I am a VERY hard worker with great character and integrity-when I say something I do it! I am the proud owner of 3 businesses. You are as dynamic a woman I have seen on this site, beautiful talented, smart, creative, and sexy. I know you’re not the type to take on a request like this but I have no lovers and I am becoming lonely. I have sexual and health needs that I would like to meet so that I can feel like a man and I am unwilling to hire a prostitute or sleep with a lady that is below my standards. I am 5’7” (for real not 5’4”), I have green eyes, I am shaved bald, in very good physical condition but I am not a model-type with the bulging muscles and six pack (YET! I love to work out and I am getting there!). What I am is respectful, trustworthy, drug and disease free (except I do smoke pot, but I rarely drink), I am known to be a very giving and proficient lover in the bedroom. I love to be aggressive in bed but also sensual, I also love when a woman is aggressive and takes over! I am known for my stamina and going all night! If you seek a man to sleep and hang out with that is not a sleeze, dirty, or a man whore and you are a good girl in need of sex and intimacy maybe we can co-fill a need. I also smoke blunts and I always have…

          Really Scott? Did you actually think I would agree to meeting you after you sent me such a creepy and insultingly forthright message?
          But luckily, there is a bright side to this situation. I recently decided to join a very cool dating movement called Niso Soul Mates.
          Here’s how I got involved: Over the summer, I got invited by a Facebook friend to a dating mixer. It was at a cool little spot in Brooklyn called Eve’s Lounge. I arrived much later than fashionably late, but I was impressed by what I did experience when I was there. I was asked by two very polite women at a table to fill out a dating questionnaire, and I was even asked about my dating “pet peeves.” I love that! (Don’t you love when people give you the platform to express what pisses you off?) I simply wrote “liars.” So, I was give a number “69” (oh, shut up) and was escorted to have a seat if I liked. Someone even ordered a drink for me, and in the next few minutes, a new fresh guy whom I had never met before was sitting in front of me, and we had some polite conversation. Then, it happened again, and again! I got to meet a few people that night, and the way the system worked, I didn’t have to do any work. As a Rules Girl I really like that. No wonder the theme for that night’s mixer was “Chivalry Is Not Dead.” It certainly was alive and well that night!
          Since that night Niso Soul Mates has expanded into a full blown online dating site. The amazing feature that I have not seen on ANY other dating site (and I’ve tried a few) is their innovative video profiles. See an example here! This means no more blind dates!
          I’m thrilled about this. Because come on people, we both know that the only reason our good friend “Scott” sent by “Cupid” (who is now, in my opinion, the Devil himself) felt even an ounce of comfort sending that message to me is because he doesn’t have the guts to say it in my face! But the new virtual dates that Niso Soul Mates offers eliminate all that fuss. You can meet someone before you meet them, for the ultimate enhanced online dating experience. I think this Valentine’s Day season I’m going to trade Cupid for Niso and try it on for size. Like my old Pastor used to say, “You have to see it before you see it!” Anyway,  it’s much safer that way.
          For more on the benefits of joining Niso Soul Mates today, see the interview I did with Nikki, the marketing director of thew new brand. This site will be doing a promotion for 50% off of all of their membership packages for a limited time. I know, I know, some sites are free you say. But do you get video profiles on those sites? (No.) Some things, like love, are worth investing in.

Hit my "love button"

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Celebrities, Events, New York City, Relationships

Helese TALKS! to Real Life NFL Wife Sanya Richards Ross about The Game TV Series

Two time Olympic Gold Medalist Sanya Richards Ross and husband N.Y. Giant Aaron Ross PHOTO CREDIT: Brad Barket/ Picture Group

I want to wish two time Olympic Gold Medalist in Track and Field Sanya Richards Ross much success in her career and life in general. I met her for the first time at an Essence reception for the launching of their year long education series Mission Critical: Education First (see my article on it here), where she spoke about The Sanya Richards Fast Track Program that she began in her hometown Jamaica. Mrs. Richards Ross’ winning smile and personality was in full effect that night (the woman is friendly, happy, passionate, and gorgeous), where I got to ask the real life NFL wife what she thinks of the TV series The Game.

In case you aren’t aware of this hot show, The Game is all about the lives of professional football players and the women who helped make them the successful ballers they are. So, what does Sanya think of it? “I’ve watched it a few times, it’s entertaining!” she says. But is it true to life?  “Somewhat, except for all the drama.” Good to know. She has said in a promotional video for BP released last year about how blessed she is to be married to a professional athlete who understands the rigorous lifestyle and highs and lows of the sports industry. (Plus they were sweethearts since high school!) Sanya Richards Ross is currently training for the 2012 Olympics in London. I just Tweeted her good luck, but she won’t need it because she brings her champion spirit everywhere!

Follow her on Twitter: @SanyaRichiRoss

Season premiere of The Game begins January 11th on BET.

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Life, New York City, Reality Shows

Helese TALKS! Films Live from Times Square NYC on New Year’s Eve

There are 3 reasons to watch this film:

  1. It’s filmed at the biggest and baddest New Year’s Eve celebration in the world, Times Square, New York City!
  2. It has witty references to the NYPD: “Years ago I would have called them pigs, but I’ve grown.”
  3. It is truly baked with love, with many references to cool artists and projects coming in 2012.

**Bonus Reason:  You will be inspired, and you may  even cry. (Like I did when MJ started playing. I miss him so much!)

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Life, Relationships

A New Year Revolution: New Year, New Woman

I recently celebrated a birthday on December 26th. Having a birthday so close to the new year really got me to thinking: Turning 27 means you’re almost 30. …So that means that you can’t act like a kid anymore right? Or even like a naive 21. So in honor of my past birthday, and New Year’s Day, I have come up with a list of 27 things that I no longer feel I should do in order to become a fully responsible adult by 30. Except, I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I like to think of this as a New Year Revolution. Enjoy!

New Year's Revolution Image

My New Year's Revolution was, in fact, televised. Click on the pic!

    1. Get super drunk anymore to the point of throwing up. (It’s what the frat boys called getting “shit-faced.”)
    2. Ask anyone “Do I look OK in this?” anymore. I think by now I should know what looks good on me and what doesn’t. (And this way I can cut down on all the unnecessary criticism of anotherwise decent outfit.)
    3. Try to wish my bills away.
    4. Pretend like I’m really going to get swept off my feet by some rich dude who is going to make all my problems go away. The white knight doesn’t exist. And neither does Black, Latino, or Indian one.
    5. Getting excited over celebrity crushes. Really now, they’re just people like the rest of us, right?
    6. Giving so much of a damn about what my parents (father) think about my life choices. They don’t own me.
    7. Procrastinate about a career. I should settle into something stable. Journalism seems to be working for now.
    8. Wear stupid jeans that don’t fit right. Then I wouldn’t have to do #3.
    9. Accept less than the best. I’m a thrifter, and recently I went to a Goodwill where there were crushed up Ritz crackers on the dressing room floor. I took my dresses in and tried them on without knowing they were there until I felt the grit stuck to the bottom of my socks. It was disgusting. And beneath me. Yeah I said it. I’ve got to be willing to pay more. After all it’s the sacred wardrobe we’re talking about here. And I’m worth it.
    10. NOT have my own stuff. I just bought a laptop for myself. I didn’t care that I “couldn’t afford it.” I just got tired of using other people’s stuff.
    11. Never doubt myself anymore. There’s just no reason to, especially when so many of the things I feel I should have accomplished by now, I have. It’s really hard to come up with one more, let alone the rest of the 27!
    12. I gotta stop wasting time. It happens when I don’t follow #10. The I have to stop, re-evaluate why I got something with crappy value, whether it be a person or a dress, and I have to spend twice the amount of time working out that situation. It’s a learning experience, sure, but how many times do you have to make the same mistake before moving on?
    13. (Speaking of moving on) Still want to get back with my ex.
    14. Posting pictures of celebrities on my walls. My real walls, not Facebook. After MJ, that’s it. Only art from now on.
    15. Complaining about any aspect of my life whatsoever. We got the Law of Attraction, and Jesus. With all of the help out there, there’s no excuse for not changing my life if I’m not happy with it.
    16. Not realize that’s not everyone else, it really is me. That goes for the good, but also for the bad. It’s called taking responsibility for my life. No one can really affect my reality. It’s all about how I choose to handle it; my perception.
    17. Hold my idols up on a pedestal to the point where I don’t realize they’re human, and that they make mistakes. That way I don’t put any undue pressure on them to fulfill my expectations.
    18. Going back to old standby’s just because it’s comfortable. That goes for old habits and even hold hairstyles. It’s time for me to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. It’s a part of growth.
    19. Emotional eating, and pigging out on take-out in general. That means scarfing down starches when I’m feeling a little depressed, or ordering take-out just because I’m too lazy to cook. Laziness and boredom go hand in hand, and boredom can be an emotion, right?
    20. Irregularity. I mean, if I haven’t mastered by fiber intake by now, then I really need to visit a specialist. (Adopting a vegan diet didn’t work. Not even a vegetarian one did. It seems I eat every kind of flesh food except chicken.)
    21. Rare and random jealousy for people who have something I want. I love that saying “What God has for me is for me.” I know I’m going to get everything I need and want, and more.
    22. Judging other’s choices! From celebrities all the way to my friends and who they date or what the next chick is wearing at the party. Who cares? It’s really all about me anyway.
    23. Beating up on myself for not volunteering more. I mean, I give when I can in so many ways, it’s not just about working for free at a non-profit organization. A kind word of encouragement to someone on the street can go farther than serving someone a paper bag lunch. (Even though I know volunteers do way more than for the orgs that they serve.)
    24.  Not exercising. I got the dvds, I got the access to exercise classes, I have every resource needed to NOT gain any more weight. So it’s time I made that commitment and stopped playin’.
    25. Trying too hard. I don’t care what you think, I don’t need to be everybody’s friend, and I certainly don’t need to preserve anybody’s feelings by not telling them that our relationship is just not working out. I’m going to keep it real. I need to put my needs first.
    26.  Holding on to things I don’t need anymore. That includes people.
    27. Making 27 promises to myself and while knowing good and damn well that I’ll probably only keep 5 of them! Oh well, it happens. Happy New Year!

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