Race Relations, Relationships

Cookies and Cream: What People Are Saying About Black Women Dating White Men

I’m on WordPress browsing the tags to find other black 20 something (or close to it) women who blog. I wanted to see strong, controversial opinions with a sense of humor. I found it. But you’ll never guess what else I found.

I actually came across two blogs offering different perspectives on interracial dating between Black women and white men. (Don’t ask me why I capatalize “Black” and not “white.” It’s just a dirty little habit of mine.) On the one hand you have Robin Thicke seemingly discouraging white men and sistahs getting together. (His famous quote certainly caused at least a ripple in Black media, “there are only a few good white men out there for Black women.”) And then you have this: Advantages of Dating or Marrying a Black Woman.

Appreciating Black women is great, after all, I am one. But where do you draw the line between appreciation and fetish? How am to know when I’m being held up as an object of your affection or as simply an object? As a Black woman I’m wondering why the above site is specifically promoting white men and Black women. Is that question answered in the F.A.Q.’s?

Well anyway, no hostility here. I mean this is coming from a Black woman who sang (and thoroughly enjoyed) “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” at karaoke because although I acknowledge that some shit is really fucked up, I can also see how stupidly sensitive we can be about it, and have a few laughs. But yeah, answer those 2 questions please?

oreo cookies

All puns intended...


8 thoughts on “Cookies and Cream: What People Are Saying About Black Women Dating White Men

  1. Jerome says:

    I feel back women need never date white men because its just really different as when black men date white women. Most white white women don’t have the same feeling as white men do about other races. Black people feel very strong about their race but you never heard a group of black guys hurting a guy of a different race for dating a black lady. With in American history, white men was never ok with a black or flipino man dating a white women. It was white men who started slavery and headed the KKK also white men who raped black women during slavery, even traded and sold their kids and family during slavery. Yes it was white women involed with slavery but in most cases most of them was as harsh toward black people as white men was and yes it was then and today white women thats apart of the KKK. But I tell you this, that most white women are so very fund of black men, they the white women love us a whole lot.

    • I think in general we need to get past the fallacy of race. But when you live in that paradigm, then these things matter. A lot of people associate what looks like themselves with inferiority so they look for people who don’t look like them to get some type of validation or feelings of self worth. I mean…on certain levels I see a problem with someone only dating outside of their race but if I don’t really believe in race than what am I saying?

  2. Tony Grend says:

    I feel that everyone is different and as long as you really get to know the person you can’t go wrong. There are creepy, disgusting pervs everywhere, finding someone who just gets you and accepts you in all facets of your life, well thats priceless on any level. Fetishes are fine and healthy, just as long as you are AWARE of them. Dating someone who is obsessed with your skin color, well that’s kinda freaky isn’t it? Then again, some people get off on being worshiped. So there will always be a Ying to that Yang.

    • By someone do you mean you? Just kidding, Lol, no, I mean I totally get off on being worshipped. But you’re right, as long as they love and appreciate all the other facets of me then we’re in business. And relationships are kind of like a business transaction aren’t they? But I think you can tell when there’s a real soul connection there. And that’s what matters.

  3. Well, the thing is your screening process has to be on point, regardless of who you decide to date. And yeah, perhaps dating a white man means it needs to be on point just a little bit more. And it’s ok to ask why. If you’re looking to date longterm you can’t be too afraid or naive to ask the right (and sometimes tough) questions. Because the truth of the matter is a white man doesn’t know your journey except by association and he has to accept that and understand what that means. He has to understand that everyday society/media is sending messages to you that you’re not “as something” as a white woman. Not as beautiful, not as smart, not as desirable, not as sexy, not as soft/gentle…whatever.
    And while a lot of us have recognized this and rejected it, there are those who internalize these messages.
    I guess my point is that when you decide to date a white man, make sure it’s a white man who’s not afraid to be candid about these issues and who you can be candid with as well. You shouldn’t feel censored and he shouldn’t feel offended, and vice-versa. The race factor is there. It need not be the focal point (and def SHOULDN’T be) but it certainly shouldn’t be ignored, especially, as I said, if you decide to date this person seriously.

    • I agree. Candidness and honesty really are the best policies. I would hate to think that in a relationship you couldn’t talk about something as silly as race. When you’re really that in love it should be reduced to just that. A notion. It’s discussing those same issues in regards to being out there in the “real world” that you’d need to put your gloves on, cause it can get pretty ugly.

  4. Joshunda says:

    I have the same issue you do with calling black women vampires. I know it’s supposed to be a compliment, and those are nice, but there’s a creepy generalization in the other direction (making black women’s bodies into fetishes) that makes that weirder than it needs to be.

    • Yes, what I don’t get is why guys don’t understand when they’re being creepy. Don’t they understand that creepiness is the very worst thing they can do and it ruins their chances of ever being a prospect? Thanks for commenting!

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