Ok, so over the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing some issues with the “friends with benefits” thing, even though I didn’t want to admit that that is what I’ve been involved in. I’m cleared up about it now, because I realized that I”m not going to keep giving guys the “bizn-ass” when they never actually handled business.
But seriously though. I need to get this out of my system so I can get it out of my vibration.
I had been allowing the first guy, because he was a friend of mine (and always telling me how much he adored me, and oh yeah, cause I wasn’t following The Rules), to come over, tell me he didn’t wanna see me with other guys or even hear about other men, have sex with me (although drunken), we confided in each other, held hands in public, held hands on the couch, I let him spend the night, basically he had the privileges of a boyfriend but we had no real solid definition of what our relationship was. Finally I confronted him: “What the hell are we doing? I don’t like this in between shit. It’s all or nothing.” He explicitly tells me “I’m not ready to commit right now, but if I were, you’d definitely be someone I’d wanna be with.”
Lessons come in the forms of different people and situations, and they always come back to you 3 and 4 times if you don’t get them the first time. Well, this lesson came to me again in the form of a second guy who, again, got the biznass. Way too soon. Didn’t get to know the guy very well. And this was all within the span of 3 months.
I’m still friends with the first guy. Not like before, but he has always respected me, he knows where I stand now, and I know that I will never allow what happened between us to happen again. And we always had a crush on one another from the time we met, and I will even say this: If I had remembered and done The Rules, we might even be together now. But I digress.
The second guy was just someone from my distant past who I should’ve let stay there. I’m the one who sought him out even just to “hang out” which means that the shit was never supposed to happen in the first place. Never works, I’m telling you. I’m going to go ahead and say that a safe bet is to just do The Rules on all men. That way you don’t end up in one of those “grey” relationships, frantically or even casually wondering, “Are we friends, are we more? We had sex, does he like me…like that?” The Rules are based on a biological reality that men must do the pursuing, they love a challenge, and they lose interest quickly if you give it up too soon. So me being assertive, outgoing, open-minded, and horny, I feel that I needed a little guidance to remind me that just because times have changed, that doesn’t mean men have.
So that brings me to MTV’s show called Friend Zone…it’s about friends who have had romantic feelings for their best friends for months, sometimes years, and they basically trick them into going out on a date with them. Now let me tell you, I love this show! But I’m going to be totally honest about it. And this is not just since I became a Rules girl, but seriously, I’m not, as a woman, going to profess my love to a guy (not first anyway). (I had a childhood best friend who I was in love with once. He told me he loved me too. He got jealous, flirted, called me all the time, etc. But he never asked me out, he never actually told me he wanted to be exclusive. Key signs that he just wanted to have the privilege of feeling me up when I went back to my hometown to visit.)
Back to the show: The premise of this show is so deceiftful too. You basically tell your “victim” that they are going to be your wingman or wingwoman for a blind date. They know it’s for a reality show because the cameras are there, but they have no idea that you have these feelings for them. They help you get ready for the date, pick an outfit, give you advice on how to “be.” Then when you and your friend get there, you tell them that you’v been lying the whole time and that you want them to go on the date with you. Or…not. There was one guy who was totally in love with this girl, he had already chickened out once and failed to ask her out. He sat there crying while he let he walk away for the second time. The update on that: he ended up dating her friend a month later. So the show is pretty awesome.
There was another girl who had a best friend who was pretty hot. He had a whiny, bitchy voice, but he looked like a model. She was a pretty girl, although doofy. She totally gushed while confessing that she was actually the one who wanted to date him. He looked confused, but he had a smirk on his face. He was super sweet about accepting the date, and he even told her that he wanted to be with her. But she had to ask, to make sure that they were a couple. And he just kept smiling and saying “Ok!” She was acting like she won the lottery. He didn’t seem embarassed, but he seemed like he was happy as hell that she was now a “sure thing.” She even stood up in front of everyone and said “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen! I have an announcement to make: I’m not single anymore!” I’m not Jesus or anything, but I wanted to die for her, because as a woman she just commited a deadly sin to her relationship.
Let the man be the one to shout it from the rooftops that he’s in love. If you wanna shout about something, let it be a promotion, or that you are just in love with life. Sing it to the world in the form of a karaoke song. I’m finding out that that I have to find other outlets for all of the passion and emotion I feel, because dumping that all out on one person can be very overwhelming for them. I’m a performer, so naturally I have larger than life feelings about things. I channel it into different activities: My vlog, this blog, thrift shopping, hanging out with friends, photo shoots, happy hours at home with the roomies, even walking down the street singing at the top of my lungs and pretending that no one’s looking. Basically I’ve created my own world of wonderful things that I do to keep busy and happy. It’s like my whole life is a recess. And in the adult world, recess means watching great reality shows and using them as inspiration to write kick ass commentary on my life and relationships. But I think I just heard the bell ring, so, until next time playmates!
Check out MTV’s Friend Zone and leave your comments!