Reality Shows, Relationships

REALITY (Show) CHECK: Baggage

I wanna be on this show. What would my baggage be? Maybe that I prefer to date men whom I don’t like at first (I have my reasons) , or that I always compare every man to my ex. What other little dirty dating secrets would be revealed if I had a chance to tell all on a tell-all game show?

The show Baggage is a show that is produced by Game Show Network based in LA. It’s hosted by Jerry Springer of all people. He proves to be a charming host (in a “sleazy uncle” kind of way).

Anyway, I like this show because of it raises a serious question, but let me tell you how it works first. You have three people competing to go out on a date with one person. The three competitors have revealed to the producers backstage some less than desirable quirks and traits, like the ones I unabashedly told you in the beginning of this post. (They’re real and uncensored! But watch out for those producers. I have a feeling that this is the kind of show where a statement like “I don’t like to date superhot men because too many women throw themselves at them” turns into “I date beneath me to feel secure.” Those clever copywriters. I really wanna be one when I grow up.)

Then the person doing the choosing goes through each piece of baggage (the show’s set is complete with each potentially embarrassing tidbit shown on a sign inside of a piece of luggage) and they get more and more absurd as the game goes on. The one with the baggage that is the least repulsive is the one who is left standing, suitcase in tow.

Then the game flips, and THAT person is the one who decides if they want to go out on date with the one who was originally sifting through dating dirt. It’s an interesting turn of events. I love what one girl did. She flirted, got the audience’s support, and then when it was her turn to decide if she wanted to go out with the guy, she politely declined. (I bet he asked her out after the show. He was totally taken by surprised, he thought he had her in the bag! I’m not going to say men love rejection, but it makes them work harder.)

I would like to see what baggage the producers would extract from my answers to their questions. But mainly, I want to know if I’m crazy compared to the general pool of women.

…Actually, there is an even deeper question that is tugging at my luggage strap right now. Is it a good idea to let people know up front what they’re getting? Take a look at a snippet from my old OKCupid profile. (I edited it after reading The Rules. I realized it’s good to be a little mysterious.)

…I’m also really good at being honest: Here are some great things about me: I drink. Sometimes too much. I curse. When I get angry, I say mean things to hurt you. I’m rarely on time. I’m picky, ask a lot of questions, I can be loud, and sometimes arugmentative just for the hell of it. I don’t care to explain myself unless I want to, and when I’m comfortable I like to stay that way. (I.e. I will put my own comfort above yours) Hmm what else? Oh yeah! I complain. I can be very critical. Brutally honest. I’m not the neatest person (except when it comes to my appearance) And I’m not a morning person. So don’t expect a “good morning” from me! (I’ve done it but I don’t prefer it.) Sometimes ppl get on my damn nerves. So I might ignore them from time to time. Hey, just bein real. But overall I’m a great person to be around, lol.

Tell me, would you date someone with my traits? I’m not that bad. I’ve seen women who behave like this who are happily coupled. So, I don’t wanna hear from men that they wouldn’t date a woman who is loud and argumentative. Men say one thing, and then do another. It happens all the time. Of course I’m not like that all the time, but I’ve got a blog and a brain, of course I’m going to be opinionated.

Regardless of the type of person you are into (I find that opposites attract; attention seekers usually look for more fly-on-the-wall types, and vice-versa), what I really wanna know is if you think it’s beneficial to lay it all out on the line in the beginning of the relationship. So, pick Show or Tell. Would you rather be showed or told?

A little clip from the show. It got the most hits out of the clips I saw, that’s why I chose this one, I swear:

See you in the comments section!

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Culture, International Relations, Race Relations

The Odd American

My nickname used to be “Crazy American Girl.” It was given to me by a friend from Suriname (a small country in South American next to Guyana.) Funny thing is, I never knew I was American until I met her and she pointed it out to me. The only labels I truly identified with was “young” (still am), “Black,” and “female.” And now that’s it’s been 10 years since I moved to this city, I also proudly identify as a “New Yorker.”

Ever since I came to New York I have been constantly approached by African men. In South Carolina, where I’m originally from, there isn’t a large community of Africans. When I got here though, I discovered people from Sierra Leone, Ivory Coast, and Senegal. I liked them, they were proud of where they were from and they laughed at all of my jokes. They thought I had spunk. They came in all shapes and sizes and some of them even had businesses. (LOL, actually, I think every single African man I’ve ever met owned or wanted to own his own business. Never met one who was unemployed. But that observation is for another post.)

A lot of them introduced me to things I had never seen, heard, or eaten, and I love trying new things. Hanging out with brothers from the Motherland is very exciting to say the least! But sometimes, I feel like the odd one out. In the presence of mostly Africans, particularly at a traditional event, I recognize the differences between cultures and the tension that I feel is so thick it can be cut with a (_insert ancient African cutting tool here_).

Recently, I was invited to a traditional event, where the person who invited me graciously asked me to perform. I was honored, yet a little concerned. I’m a jazz singer. All music definitely has its roots in Africa, but the big band style of jazz that I sing sounds distinctly American and I wasn’t sure if it would be very pleasing to African taste. (You wouldn’t go to an Italian restaurant and order Bangkok Chicken.) I didn’t have time to change my repertoire before the show, plus, why should I have to? I think people enjoyed it, but what no one enjoyed was the awkward silence following the just regular silence that followed my greeting “Hey, everyone! I’m so happy to be here. And well, I’m American…”

Looking back on it, even as soon as seconds later, I know it was a bad choice of words. With me being the ONLY female who was not in traditional African attire, (I was told just to be casual) I already felt like a black sheep. Wearing all black. I felt so out of place in the cold and drafty banquet hall because I walked in beyond the time of being fashionably late (I was also told the party wouldn’t be jumping until after midnight, and those words led me to believe that no matter how different I looked I would be able to be lost in the crowd!) and there weren’t that many people to fill such a large space. I walked in during a speech. My black pumps click-clacked against a tile floor. (I learned from a previous unrelated experience to always dress a little dressier than a casual dress code.) A man escorted me to my seat and a woman in traditional attire immediately came over to me and asked me if I wanted food. I had eaten already, so I politely declined. But even the white woman sitting next to me was wearing a gele. I was nervous and uncomfortable so I started emailing myself this very post.

I thought I was coming to a paaaarrrtttayyyy! Or at least a party. But like my sister said “No liquor? That ain’t a party, that’s a meeting.” Glad I pre-gamed beforehand. But there’s no cute guys my age here, no 20-something girls at all, well, at least none wearing black stretch pants, except me. Talk about an awkward black moment. I feel like a black sheep walking in. Where’s the music? You can hear a limb drop in this place. But that’s the thing though. Let me hip you to a bit of African culture. They like to give speeches at their parties! Looong drawn out lectures. Well I guess the real question is… Can I be myself in the midst of such tradition, especially when it isn’t mine? That’s huge. But I guess we all have our insecurities. I feel way too slutty of a dancer for these people. I might embarrass myself even more if I get up. Plus I just don’t feel like dancing. It’s cold in here and my joints are locking up. But of course one of the keys to power is knowing how to fit in any situation. And also feeling secure that when you don’t want to do something, you don’t do it. I don’t wanna dance. And that is ok. I feel like a caged bird that wants to fly our of her ca-

That’s when I was brought up to the mic and I said, as if it wasn’t already so obvious, that I am American.

It didn’t go unnoticed. My African friend who invited me was like “Why do you say that you are American? You are very Pan-African in my opinion. You wear your hair natural, you’re cultured. Why all of these divisions? We are all brothers and sisters.” As if I already didn’t feel lame enough that no one laughed at my not so funny joke, this guy who’s like a big brother to me is telling me that not only did it look ridiculous, but it was actually offensive.

Anyhow I think that at the end of the day it’s not a big deal. I got to meet a few people who were interested in my singing, and even a real live queen. I enjoyed myself, because it was a new situation and it led to this post. I learned. Maybe next I’ll just be proud of all of my inappropriate clothes, and dance right out of them like no one’s looking. Or, more likely, I’ll try to blend in and not offend anyone. But you know what? I’m kind of liking this feeling of being different and standing out, no matter who I am.

P.S. I couldn’t find a video on YouTube that really spoke to what I experienced that night, so I decided to do one myself:

Maybe being the “Crazy American Girl” isn’t so bad after all.

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Race Relations, Relationships

Cookies and Cream: What People Are Saying About Black Women Dating White Men

I’m on WordPress browsing the tags to find other black 20 something (or close to it) women who blog. I wanted to see strong, controversial opinions with a sense of humor. I found it. But you’ll never guess what else I found.

I actually came across two blogs offering different perspectives on interracial dating between Black women and white men. (Don’t ask me why I capatalize “Black” and not “white.” It’s just a dirty little habit of mine.) On the one hand you have Robin Thicke seemingly discouraging white men and sistahs getting together. (His famous quote certainly caused at least a ripple in Black media, “there are only a few good white men out there for Black women.”) And then you have this: Advantages of Dating or Marrying a Black Woman.

Appreciating Black women is great, after all, I am one. But where do you draw the line between appreciation and fetish? How am to know when I’m being held up as an object of your affection or as simply an object? As a Black woman I’m wondering why the above site is specifically promoting white men and Black women. Is that question answered in the F.A.Q.’s?

Well anyway, no hostility here. I mean this is coming from a Black woman who sang (and thoroughly enjoyed) “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist” at karaoke because although I acknowledge that some shit is really fucked up, I can also see how stupidly sensitive we can be about it, and have a few laughs. But yeah, answer those 2 questions please?

oreo cookies

All puns intended...

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Food and Wine

Sweet Bitch And Other Holiday Drinks

Sweet Bitch Red Wine is a little sweet for my preference for red wine, but it’s good, it’s cheap, and it can more than likely be found at a liquor store near you.

Sweet Bitch Red Wine Image

You know that I wanna be your sweet Bitch.

Something for the kiddies, why not whip up a Mint Hot Chocolate? Baker Terese Lorae of A Lot of Yummy Things says

“Just add a drop of peppermint extract to a cup of hot chocolate. It’s pretty strong so you only need a drop. Add more if you like it strong.”

I had to save the best for last. A few weeks ago I went to a pop-up shop called Repurpose Vintage to cover the event and get a few interviews. They were serving a sweet spiced spiked cider that I just had to try. I spent my last few dollars on a cup and let me tell you, you’re going to want to try this at home. I got the recipe from Melissa of Apt. No. 7, a store that sells vintage goods.

Spiced Spike Cider (I named it…)

2 parts apple cider (I chose Martinelli’s Sparking Apple Cider because I think it will give it a nice “pop.”)

1 part lemonade (I didn’t feel like lugging a half-gallon of lemonade from the store, and the powdered verson seemed icky so I will make mine from scratch using lemon juice, sugar, and water.)

1 part orange juice

1 (or 2!) parts Hennessey

a dash of cinnamon, allspice, and cloves

Mix together. It tastes better when it’s not too cold.

Also, I added a bonus video of the interview I did with the The Brooklyn Good Guys and Apt. No. 7 who really were key in making Repurpose Vintage happen.

So enjoy, and check out www.youtube.com/helesetalks for all types of videos on entertainment, fashion, and more in NYC and beyond. Happy Drinking!

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Relationships

Sue’s 2012 Relationship Resolutions

This is a great little post by Sue Marnie. I love her blog, Just Subliminal Limits, I just “followed” it, and now I’m “pressing this!” Love all these little features on WordPress! It grabbed the link right from her page and now you see it here on my blog. A few more notes about the writer, she’s a Capricorn so duh! She’s deep, reflective, mysterious, and on top of that she’s real and raw in how she expresses herself. Love that this feature can give me so much more content on my blog than I can ever imagine. Hope you like! Let me know what you think:

2012 Relationship Resolutions

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Technology

Don’t Get Scammed On Christmas!

Iyogi, a tech support company. They lied to me.

May be good for some, but they lied to me

This is an emergency post, I love gadgets and gizmos but I was going to wait until I had something good to say about one before I began posting about technology. But hey, all’s well that ends well right? Here’ s the story:

So last night I’m trying to look at some videos on my brand new HP Laptop (Merry Christmas to me!), and I notice that there’s nothing there but a green screen where the video is supposed to be. I said to myself, “I’ll call HP tomorrow and see what the problem is.” The first weird thing that happened was that when I called the number that HP listed for tech support, I got a message that said “Thank you for calling the Free Sex Hotline. Are you a man, or a woman?” I was like “Ok!” I checked the number again and I realize that I bought a new laptop, and it was an older model, so maybe the number has changed.

So I did what you should never do. I Googled “hp tech support” and a number came up. Without really looking at whether or not it was the official HP site, I called the number. I got someone in India, of course, and we even exchanged pleasantries. He was super nice, and reminded me of one of the Indian characters my favorite non-reality shows, The Big Bang Theory. (I have this secret love for geeks and nerds.) Anyway I was really admiring this dude. I felt comfortable. He was knowledgeable and friendly and even laughed at my jokes. He was even understanding of me having to blow my nose loudly into the phone, making him have to repeat himself.  I have heard of computer companies outsourcing, and even fixing your problems remotely, so I wasn’t phased by the fact that he was not in the US or that he wanted me to give him access to my pc to see what the problem is. I basically gave this man, Ameer was his name, complete access to my computer. I had to go to a website, enter in a little code, and start a remote session. From there, everything he did on my computer I could totally see on my laptop screen! It was like some weird ghost was going through my pc! Ironically, the green screen problem was totally gone. But he proceeded to do a hard sell for a software support package. After asking many questions, I was sold. I even got to the point of entering my credit card number and everything. But something told me to look up “iyogi scam” and there it was. Several people had written about how it was totally a scam!

I started freaking out, and telling the guy “Please don’t authorize this transaction.” He kept trying to convince me that huge companies always have people accusing them of being a scam, and that if you look up HP then they will have people saying that they’re a scam too. I don’t know about all of that,  but I do know that I was very much not trying to have them charge my card. I got this overall impending sense of danger and doom. I knew that I shouldn’t feel this way, because when you fear something, it just attracts it to you even more. I tried to keep a level head. I had to be nice to them so that they wouldn’t authorize it out of spite! I gently but firmly insisted that they do not go through with the transaction, and I even began to type “Do not authorize…” into the chatbox that was opened when he got access to my computer. The man said “Ma’am, you do not have to type that…” LOL. It was funny. But I just wanted some type of confirmation other than verbal that I could hurry up and copy and paste and email to myself or something, in case I had to take this further.

Anyhow, I got off the phone with them and called HP to tell them what had happened. Within 5 minutes they too were trying to sell me something, except this time it was an extended warranty. But at least it was from HP. And it was cheaper! By asking the HP rep a few questions about what the Iyogi rep told me, I found two major lies in their sell, and that’s why I  can’t respect their hustle:

1. “Your 1 year warranty with HP doesn’t cover software issues.” This is not true. The 1 year warranty I got when I purchased the computer DOES in fact cover software issues.

2. “We are an authorized provider of tech support for HP.” That’s not true, they are a private, third-party company that has no affiliation whatsoever with HP. If they were, I think HP would be getting a cut of their profits. And they aren’t.

Now, HP never said that Iyogi was a scam. And neither am I. All I am saying is that the rep told me two big fat lies, and their package was more expensive.

So that’s  the Christmas Scam story. Don’t let it happen to you. When I look back at all of this, I actually have to give credit to my dyslexia that brought me here. If I had never switched around the last 2 numbers of HP’s customer service number, I wouldn’t have gotten the sex line and I wouldn’t have Googled “hp tech support” and ended up calling Iyogi! It’s a good thing though. Figuring out that something fishy is going on right before the transaction is authorized is really a blessing in disguise. I always pride myself on being able to smell a lie. Well, the good ole intuition has saved my life once again. FYI, the real number for HP customer service is 1-800-474-6836 and trust me, I’ll never look at that number the same again.

***Merry Christmas to you all, Happy Birthday to me, and Happy New Year!***

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Relationships

REALITY (Show) CHECK: MTV’s Friend Zone

I guess it worked for them (from MTV's Friend Zone)!

Ok, so over the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing some issues with the “friends with benefits” thing, even though I didn’t want to admit that that is what I’ve been involved in. I’m cleared up about it now, because I realized that I”m not going to keep giving guys the “bizn-ass” when they never actually handled business.

But seriously though. I need to get this out of my system so I can get it out of my vibration.

I had been allowing the first guy, because he was a friend of mine (and always telling me how much he adored me, and oh yeah, cause I wasn’t following The Rules), to come over, tell me he didn’t wanna see me with other guys or even hear about other men, have sex with me (although drunken), we confided in each other, held hands in public, held hands on the couch, I let him spend the night, basically he had the privileges of a boyfriend but we had no real solid definition of what our relationship was. Finally I confronted him: “What the hell are we doing? I don’t like this in between shit. It’s all or nothing.” He explicitly tells me “I’m not ready to commit right now, but if I were, you’d definitely be someone I’d wanna be with.”

Lessons come in the forms of different people and situations, and they always come back to you 3 and 4 times if you don’t get them the first time. Well, this lesson came to me again in the form of a second guy who, again, got the biznass.   Way too soon. Didn’t get to know the guy very well. And this was all within the span of 3 months.

I’m still friends with the first guy. Not like before,  but he has always respected me, he knows where I stand now, and I know that I will never allow what happened between us to happen again. And we always had a crush on one another from the time we met, and I will even say this: If I had remembered and done The Rules, we might even be together now. But I digress.

The second guy was just someone from my distant past who I should’ve let stay there. I’m the one who sought him out  even just to “hang out” which means that the shit was never supposed to happen in the first place. Never works, I’m telling you. I’m going to go ahead and say that a safe bet is to just do The Rules on all men. That way you don’t end up in one of those “grey” relationships, frantically or even casually wondering, “Are we friends, are we more? We had sex, does he like me…like that?”  The Rules are based on a biological reality that men must do the pursuing, they love a challenge, and they lose interest quickly if you give it up too soon. So me being assertive, outgoing, open-minded, and horny, I feel that I needed a little guidance to remind me that just because times have changed, that doesn’t mean men have.

So that brings me to MTV’s show called Friend Zone…it’s about friends who have had romantic feelings for their best friends for months, sometimes years, and they basically trick them into going out on a date with them. Now let me tell you, I love this show! But I’m going to be totally honest about it. And this is not just since I became a Rules girl, but seriously, I’m not, as a woman, going to profess my love to a guy (not first anyway). (I had a childhood best friend who I was in love with once. He told me he loved me too. He got jealous, flirted, called me all the time, etc. But he never asked me out, he never actually told me he wanted to be exclusive. Key signs that he just wanted to have the privilege of feeling me up when I went back to my hometown to visit.)

Back to the show: The premise of this show is so deceiftful too. You basically tell your “victim” that they are going to be your wingman or wingwoman for a blind date. They know it’s for a reality show because the cameras are there, but they have no idea that you have these feelings for them. They help you get ready for the date, pick an outfit, give you advice on how to “be.” Then when you and your friend get there, you tell them that you’v been lying the whole time and that you want them to go on the date with you. Or…not. There was one guy who was totally in love with this girl, he had already chickened out once and failed to ask her out. He sat there crying while he let he walk away for the second time. The update on that: he ended up dating her friend a month later. So the show is pretty awesome.

There was another girl who had a best friend who was pretty hot. He had a whiny, bitchy voice, but he looked like a model. She was a pretty girl, although doofy. She totally gushed while confessing that she was actually the one who wanted to date him. He looked confused, but he had a smirk on his face. He was super sweet about accepting the date, and he even told her that he wanted to be with her. But she had to ask, to make sure that they were a couple. And he just kept smiling and saying “Ok!” She was acting like she won the lottery. He didn’t seem embarassed, but he seemed like he was happy as hell that she was now a “sure thing.” She even stood up in front of everyone and said “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen! I have an announcement to make: I’m not single anymore!” I’m not Jesus or anything, but I wanted to die for her, because as a woman she just commited a deadly sin to her relationship.

Let the man be the one to shout it from the  rooftops that he’s in love. If you wanna shout about something, let it be a promotion, or that you are just in love with life. Sing it to the world in the form of a karaoke song. I’m finding out that that I have to find other outlets for all of the passion and emotion I feel, because dumping that all out on one person can be very overwhelming for them. I’m a performer, so naturally I have larger than life feelings about things. I channel it into different activities: My vlog, this blog, thrift shopping, hanging out with friends, photo shoots, happy hours at home with the roomies, even walking down the street singing at the top of my lungs and pretending that no one’s looking. Basically I’ve created my own world of wonderful things that I do to keep busy and happy. It’s like my whole life is a recess. And in the adult world, recess means watching great reality shows and using them as inspiration to write kick ass commentary on my life and relationships. But I think I just heard the bell ring, so, until next time playmates!

Check out MTV’s Friend Zone and leave your comments!

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Relationships

Friends, But No Benefits

Fuck being a “modern woman” who can have sex like a man.

I should have just followed The Rules. You see, The Rules for dating are similar to other guidelines for social interaction, for instance, The 48 Laws of Power, or How to Win Friends and Influence people. These books helped me to understand that cool points are like currency, and surprisingly, you can quickly lose them by being too nice. You don’t gain them by buying someone’s friendship, or giving in to their every whim, or by not setting boundaries. In fact, it’s precisely the opposite. If you don’t set up very clear boundaries for  yourself and know what you want, respect is flushed down the toilet, and you get get shitted on.

This is the story:

I had a friend. Well, at least I thought we were. I knew him for a while, years ago, him and I would party together with mutual friends and basically have a great time. No sex, only dancing. There were crushes and all, I really liked one of his friends, but I generally was not attracted to this guy like that.  I trusted him though, I even had him over my place a few times, and I rarely have company like that. As for his name, we’ll call him D.  So, over time, as people do, we drifted apart. He had his relationship, I had mine, I was flying, so I had a job that took me all over the world. I think we were probably just a distant memory in the back of each other’s mind, until I got back in touch with a mutual friend of ours. Since I considered myself closer with D than all of them, I asked about him. Said friend, we’ll call him M, would tell me that he spoke to him every once in a while and that D even moved back to his hometown of Connecticut. Then I saw him on Facebook. I decided to hit him up. In that super-gushy, overly friendly way that I do (if you want another reason why it’s NEVER ok for a woman to approach a man from her past, you’ll have to stay tuned for one of the other posts. It was baaaad.) I was like “Hey! Where you been man? I miss you. We should totally catch up.” Not such a good idea. Even thinking about this important rule that I broke makes me cringe.

You see, I approached him first. (Rule #2 is Don’t talk to a man first.) I’m sure at the time, neither one of us was looking at the other as a prospective lay or relationship. I certainly wasn’t. But that was about 5 years ago that I met him. When I saw him again, (it was late night after one of my photo shoots, I model from time to time.) I noticed that he cleaned up nice. He grew up.  I was actually physically attracted to him, and plus, I was horny. I hadn’t had sex in several weeks, and only a few times at that: I had recently come off a celibacy run  (by choice) that lasted over a year.  So I was open to trying it out. I drank wine, we watched tv, talked, and then had sex. Twice. It was actually not that bad. In fact, it felt great!

I felt a little awkward afterwards though, because there was still no emotional connection between us strong enough to warrant me touching or cuddling. And I’m not used to just lying there like a cold fish after being so intimate with someone. That’s a weird line to walk. The tightrope between friendship, attraction, and sexuality. I realize I always inevitably end up falling. So, I broke another rule. I openly and honestly expressed my emotions (which was simply that I didn’t know what to do with myself and I felt extremely awkward after the sex), not in a clear and concise way that men can understand (men are stupid, but I love them ;)) but in a long winded, “not sure what I’m really trying to say” kind of way. It’s always as a result of being too nice that I end up tripping up over my own tongue. (Thus I ended up breaking too many rules to count. #4, 7, 15, and 19.  By going all the way to his place at the last minute late at night made it way too easy for him, and I rushed right into intimacy with a man whom I barely knew, even thought I thought I did. Not to mention the one about opening up too soon and pouring your heart out.)

Just do them.

The truth is, while he had stamina and a great package, I need sex to have something emotional to back it up, or it just ends up feeling, well, empty. I didn’t know how to say that without feeling like a bitch “I STILL don’t have any feelings for you! So don’t touch me.” Now don’t get me wrong.  I didn’t think that having sex a few times would change my feelings for him. And I certainly don’t believe he gave a damn either way about how I felt about him. (See, there’s no reason why a woman who respects herself would put herself into this situation. Oh God, thank you for learning!)  I just WANTED the type of connection that I had with my ex. Preferably I either have sex with someone I love or have a one night stand (and typically those require I never see the person again. Now I’ll settle for having absolutely no attraction to them whatsoever, besides that quick stress reliever). The whole “fuck buddy” thing just totally confused me. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I should have just bounced.

Nevertheless, we talked about it, and he was understanding, but it wasn’t satisfying for me. I knew that I wanted more than the empty sex we had just had. Not from him, just for myself. Still, we remained cool.

He eventually ended up coming over for a holiday gathering, spending the night with no sex, then spending the night again a few days later and I couldn’t help myself. (I was really horny, plus I knew it wouldn’t be a waste of time because it would be good.) But something funny happened….He pulled a reverse Jesus and DISappeared like a thief in the night.  (You know that verse in the Bible about Jesus’ second coming surprising the hell out of you like a “theif in the night?” Well, I was just as shocked.) When I woke up, he was GONE. He texted me later that day and I said “Did you say bye when you left or did you just BOUNCE?” He tells me he didn’t wanna wake me, and that he had morning breath and didn’t wanna offend me. His exact words: “My mouth was dirty.” I hate talking about bodily functions so I tried to ignore that part, but I told him that he didn’t have to be all up in my face, but he could have at least said goodbye. From the door. (Should I have to explain this to a grown ass man?) Me: “I woke up and was like damn.”  After that text, I got no response. Now mind you, before that night we had made plans for later on in the week. He forgot them. Didn’t hear from him until the day after we were supposed to go out. Of course, after the stunt he pulled, I was no longer interested in seeing him again. Can you say “Nignore?”

Basically, none of this would have happened if I had stuck with one exquisite rule that Millionaire Matchmaker tells all her clients:  No Sex Before Monogamy! And I add to that: Do not fuck your friends! Friends do not get benefits unless friends put in WORK. Then they’re not friends anymore. They’re boyfriends.

I can tell you countless stories of times when I rushed into sex in my younger days, before my first serious relationship, but it wasn’t always this confusing and hurtful. A good friend of mine said that’s because when you’re young and just having fun, you can turn your emotions off. But now I’m older. (I’ll be 27 on December 26th!) I’m almost 30. I’ve seen my single female friends at 30 and older, and they all seem desperate. I want to be settled by the time I’m their age. So I’m doing things differently now. After I broke my vow of celibacy of 1 year when my long term relationship ended, this is the second guy who I allowed to be a “beneficial friend.” You see where it got me. What can I say? I’m not ashamed of being old-fashioned. Besides, I think there’s a line that runs from my vagina straight to my heart. And from now on, like a tightrope, I plan to walk it without falling.

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Politics/World Issues, Race Relations

The $5 Million Dollar Dialogue: The UN’s Conversation about the Slavery Memorial

Lovin' this guy.

UN Article

I’m at the General Assembly for the Transatlantic Slave Trade Memorial. It’s held at the UN, where a lot of countries from around the world come and give their two cents (or $50,000) regarding a memorial that will be built to honor victims of slavery. And it is soooo boring. I’m not quite sure how I got on this list, but I’m happy to be here and I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth. I jotted down several notes in the margin of my little book,(In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers, by Deborah Reber) since I brought no real paper.  I’ve decided to tell you 30 thoughts I had about this conversation, and about my first experience at the UN in general. So, here it goes, much ado about nothing:

  1. I’m disappointed in the UN. The canolis cost 4 bucks. The coffee shop doesn’t take credit cards and is overall inefficient. No one speaks English or even knows the prices of anything.
  2. Everyone in this assembly is way too serious. And I wish they would stop say the words “transatlanctic slave trade.” Haven’t they ever heard of the law of attraction?
  3. There is a man here (who I later found out was a rep for Tanzania) says that he is talking on behalf of the African people. But all he keeps talking about is oppression, struggle, and injustice. I’m sorry, but that is not my reality. So, speak for yourself.
  4. There is illuminati symbolism everywhere. (See this link to know more, but be careful, it will change the way you see everything, forever. http://vigilantcitizen.com/)
  5. It looks like a lot countries decided not to show up. Of course, Jamaica is here. The Jamaican woman from the General Consulate of Jamaica who signed me in here was rude and bossy. And she was the one who was late! The nerve.
  6. Nippon (Japan) is in the house! Haiti is here. Iraq. Israel. Maybe I can get a full list later. (Never happened but if I find it, I’ll let you know.)
  7. So, when you go to the General Assembly, you can get the speeches translated in real-time. For reasons I wish not to disclose, I am trying to brush up on my Spanish. I’m listening to the Jamaican rep’s speech in Spanish. It’s way more interesting this way. LOL, the translator got stuck. “Em…em…”
  8. I wonder how you get this job of translating UN speeches. My very conservative friend applied for a job here and hasn’t heard anything yet, and I actually know a very left-wing radical photographer who works here. How appropriate!
  9. This ish is DRY. They need a comedian to come in here and fuck it all up. (My slang for “make it fun.”) Chris Rock would be great for that. Hell, even Chris Tucker. I’ll even take Wayne Brady at this point. Did the translator just say something about Beyoncé? Ok, I think it’s time for me to turn the dial back to English now.
  10. Now they’re talking about money. $4.5 million dollars is how much more they’re trying to raise. Relatively speaking for memorials, that’s pretty low. (It cost over $1 Billion to build the 9/11 Memorial, but that only “affected” about 3,000 people. See how ridiculous it is to put a number on that type of thing? More on that later.) I still think that all that money could be used to actually help (read: feed and educate) people.
  11. The website for this project is www.slaverymemorial.org. How about changing the name to the Freedom Memorial! We should be thinking about Freedom!
  12. So they’re going to hire a professional fundraiser for the job, and they’re taking private and public donations. But I still say this, you don’t build a legacy of slavery, you build a legacy of freedom! They want to put this memorial in a prominent location, say, the visitors entrance of the UN, so that every time someone walks through the door, we can be reminded of this travesty. Is this really such a good idea considering how many people already hate each other for no reason?
  13. Suriname and Cuba is in the house. Ok, I can get with what he’s saying. He described the former slaves as having a “temper and rebel spirit” which is awesome. It’s not just exclusive to them though. I think I have that same fire in me. Guess the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree! (Ouch! Strange Fruit reference.  Others that would have worked: “the lynched man doesn’t fall too far from the tree,” “the pickaninny doesn’t run too far from the cotton field”…you got it.)
  14. Ok. I see the rep. for Guinea. I think he’s on his laptop tweeting this whole ordeal. Or is he on Facebook?
  15. Cuba’s speech was short and sweet, and full of flavor like a pressed pork sandwich. I would expect nothing less from the home place of good ol Fidel, and the political asylum of the Black Liberation Queen, Assata Shakur. Her autobiography is quite delicious. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assata_Shakur
  16. Old white man from Australia is speaking. Everybody is quiet. Every time a new country’s representative comes up to speak, they quote a number that they probably just Googled of how many people were affected by the slave trade. As if you can put a number on that! The funny thing is, I think each country said a different number, yet the monotony of the speakers themselves is killing me! Add me to the list.
  17. I don’t know, but I find the quote “remembering the dark part of our history” somewhat disturbing and offensive. Are dark people going anywhere? You don’t have to “remember” us, you have to face us, right now!
  18. National End to Racism Strategy=everyone one race? Something tells me they’re talking in code.
  19. Brazil rep is up. Oh Come on! I thought she was gonna be hot! She looks homelier than a worn out house coat. In fact, she IS a house coat! (Ok, low blow, I know, but it made me lol.)
  20. There are people walking up and down the aisle, passing out papers.
  21. I’m having a hard time staying awake.
  22. The rep for the US is a Black Man. Hey! I saw him in the cafe. A fellow journalist said “He should have stayed there.” He talked about reducing inequality. But this is the US, so we must be sure not to eliminate it completely. Wow! He didn’t mention Black History Month as African American History Month. Did I miss the memo that this was the politically correct title of the so very racist nod to our collective humanity’s history! (By the way, he did not seem prepared at all. He was stumbling over so many words I thought he was running for his life from the lynch mob. Or the NYPD.
  23. Side note:  ***Do you remember what happened with Sean Bell? The NYPD shot him 50 times. Now, you decide for  yourself was it a murder or an “accident?” You know my slant. But I respect your brain so I will provide the neutral Wiki article on Sean Bell http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sean_Bell_shooting_incident (the watered down shit) and then the Revolutionary Communist’s Party’s take on it: http://rwor.org/a/071/nyc-police-shooting-en.html***
  24. Israel is up. Now this is gonna be real interesting. “Hope without memory is like memory without hope.” Really? What does that even mean? And wait…HE’S NOT PALESTINIAN.
  25. I’m so surprised he didn’t mention that thing. You know that thing that happened? You know, the Holocaust? So much for memory. It seems like anytime a Jewish person gets a chance they mention the Holocaust. Yet they always downplay the impact of slavery. Must be why they’re only contributing $20,000 to this very important memorial. (Other smaller countries, like Haiti, even contributed more.)
  26. Luxembourg rep is looking snazzy. Black slim fit jacket, crisp white shirt, red tie. Very dapper. I love those European cut suits. Can’t wait to start traveling again. Jet Blue needs to hurry up and respond to my application!
  27. I just find it so funny that they keep saying “dark chapter of our history.” I mean who wrote these people’s speeches. Is this all that they could come up with?
  28. Now India’s rep is interesting. He looks like a plumper version of Osama Bin Laden (R.I.P.) He sounds like the guy who does customer service for HSBC. Also the guys at Milon. (Great Bangladeshi food!)
  29. After the speeches were over, we had the option of staying. That was when most of the press took the opportunity to leave. I got a chance to talk to a fellow journalist about what we had heard that day. She says think of it like this: 4.5 million dollars isn’t a lot relatively. Visibility of this memorial+correlating educational programs=awareness. With the world we live in, a world of ideas, a world ruled by symbols and not rules or laws, we need that. She also told me about the racism prevalent in the UN building itself. No respect. When we sat down, we were approached by the white security guard and told that only press was allowed to sit in those seats. All of our group was Black. This is apparently not a coincidence. In fact, she was accredited with the UN for 9 years, and as a sign of protest to the racism there, she canceled her accreditation. Ballsy!
  30. I would love to sit down and talk to her more, maybe do an episode of http://www.youtube.com/helesetalks interviewing her. That would be a great conversation. And it sure as hell wouldn’t cost $5,000,000 dollars.

Let me know what you think. This is my first article on any type of international relations issues. I hope I made you proud.

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