I’m learning to respect my mother.
I have a respect for her like nothing I have ever had before.
How can you not respect a force that is silent yet will FLOOR you if you abuse her sensitivities? Where when her tide is high you must stay home for fear of the over flow, until you learn not to fear the over flow. Until you learn how to bathe her in love and herbs to balance the cycles that govern her. My mother, literally GROUNDED me! I’m talking about my womb here. I’m talking about mother nature, I’m realizing that they are ever so connected and if you’ve read my pieces on how I’ve been working on balancing my hormones naturally then you know that, well, I’ve been dealing with the imbalances that synthetic hormones via birth control pills can cause, and that I’m on a journey to health in harmony with nature. Nothing puts me on my ass faster than my period. I have missed work, school and parties because of her. I will never try to chug 2 glasses of red wine again on my period, in fact, I think I may never drink again while I’m on my period. Oooh she flowed after that! I think she was spasming and angry. I’ve learned to do right by her and she will be gentle. I’m learning to relax. What’s more than interesting is that in that process I had to calm myself down during the downpour. I texted a close friend asked for a prayer, but I kept a level head. I felt anxious but showed no signs of it. I breathed and said told myself that “nothing will happen that you don’t want to” as I visited public bathroom after public bathroom; changing organic tampon after organic tampon. And I wore a pad. I’d leak through those tampons in a few minutes, and they were uncomfortable. Still, nothing over flowed and I kept reassuring myself and breathing deeply and finding reasons to do my innersmile.
It’s a journey and I’m making a trail in blood. These days I laugh at the absurd. It is absolutely absurd that I’d have to deal with this a year after taking those damned pills! But nature works in her own time, and you can’t rush her. With the herbs I’ve been taking for the past few months, its getting better. I have a feeling that come next year this time I won’t be having this problem at all. For now, I accept where I am and go with the flow, literally.
Still, I want sex.
But that’s for another post.