“Husband.” “Wife.” Those words just sound so big, don’t they? They just seem to carry so much weight with them.
Recent experiences (one bad date, one great date, and two engagements of people close to me) cause me to think even deeper than before about what the words “husband,” “wife,” “love,” and “marriage” really mean.
I know that in the past, marriages were arranged and were seen as business transactions, and still many are today. (I know I wouldn’t marry anyone who’s broke.) I don’t see anything wrong with marrying for security. But when did marriage turn into being about something that I have been on a quest for since I realized that I was oh so deserving (or at least since I started this blog): Love?
As I was sitting and having dinner with a friend, I began to muse about being one of those beautiful women who was torn between marrying a man for security and being with the true love of her life. Oh, the drama! I pictured myself being meek and mild with the man who did nothing for me between my legs, but who was all right on paper, while he fell deeper and deeper in love with me. And then, running and telling the other one who made me misty in all the right places that all I could do is think of him while I was pretending to listen to my husband who I’m not in love with at dinner. How sneaky. How sexy! How freaky would that be! I even imagined telling the true love that “we could leave today!” Planning my escape love affair with a man who didn’t exist, cheating on a man who I wasn’t even married to!
Just goes to show you that a girl like me has a LOT going in her mind, and needs an outlet for it, and sometimes that causes me to live vicariously through myself. If that’s possible. This fantasy scenario begs the question: Could I marry for anything other than true, drive-you-crazy-to-the-point-of-dancing-in-the-street love? And, if I could, could I be happy? Or would I always long for that man who made me laugh, made me believe that settling for less is like settling for loss, loss of the true essence and purpose of life: A soul connection like no other with another human being…
Women are so powerful now, on paper, making paper. We really don’t need a man to do for us, and we can even do what we love and get paid. At the tender age of 27, I see no reason to lose hope now. I can have it all. And I will. Trust me, when I fall in love, you’ll know. And I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m putting my attention towards things that make me happy. I’ve seen too many people in my life marry their soulmates, and others who made due because it was quite convenient at the time. My resolve is as hard as steel, and I’ll be damned if I settle. But at the same time being alone can be a bitch. Still I can’t help but think I that if I did break down one day, and marry someone I only liked, simply because HE loved ME, and he had money and was nice, blah blah blah…I know I would always have in the back of mind: Is there something better out there for me? Freedom…and TRUE LOVE?