Husbands and Wives

9 Feb

“Husband.” “Wife.” Those words just sound so big, don’t they? They just seem to carry so much weight with them.

Recent experiences (one bad date, one great date, and two engagements of people close to me) cause me to think even deeper than before about what the words “husband,” “wife,” “love,” and “marriage” really mean.

I know that in the past,¬†marriages¬†were arranged and were seen as business transactions, and still many are today. (I know I wouldn’t marry anyone who’s broke.) I don’t see anything wrong with marrying for security. But when did marriage turn into being about something that I have been on a quest for since I realized that I was oh so deserving (or at least since I started this blog): Love?

As I was sitting and having dinner with a friend, I began to muse about being one of those beautiful women who was torn between marrying a man for security and being with the true love of her life. Oh, the drama! I pictured myself being meek and mild with the man who did nothing for me between my legs, but who was all right on paper, while he fell deeper and deeper in love with me. And then, running and telling the other one who made me misty in all the right places that all I could do is think of him while I was pretending to listen to my husband who I’m not in love with at dinner. How sneaky. How sexy! How freaky would that be! I even imagined telling the true love that “we could leave today!” Planning my escape love affair with a man who didn’t exist, cheating on a man who I wasn’t even married to!

Just goes to show you that a girl like me has a LOT going in her mind, and needs an outlet for it, and sometimes that causes me to live vicariously through myself. If that’s possible. This fantasy scenario begs the question: Could I marry for anything other than true, drive-you-crazy-to-the-point-of-dancing-in-the-street love? And, if I could, could I be happy? Or would I always long for that man who made me laugh, made me believe that settling for less is like settling for loss, loss of the true essence and purpose of life: A soul connection like no other with another human being…

Women are so powerful now, on paper, making paper. We really don’t need a man to do for us, and we can even do what we love and get paid. At the tender age of 27, I see no reason to lose hope now. I can have it all. And I will. Trust me, when I fall in love, you’ll know. And I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m putting my attention towards things that make me happy. I’ve seen too many people in my life marry their soulmates, and others who made due because it was quite convenient at the time. My resolve is as hard as steel, and I’ll be damned if I settle. But at the same time being alone can be a bitch. Still I can’t help but think I that if I did break down one day, and marry someone I only liked, simply because HE loved ME, and he had money and was nice, blah blah blah…I know I would always have in the back of mind: Is there something better out there for me? Freedom…and TRUE LOVE?

6 Responses to “Husbands and Wives”

  1. NWAKAEGO September 24, 2012 at 7:31 am #

    Just like someone has to make up his mind to erect a solid structure with quality but costly materials so is marriage.

  2. NWAKAEGO September 24, 2012 at 2:47 am #

    Marriage is like a building. A building that collapses with a little storm is weak. Solid buildings don’t just happen.

    • helesetalks September 24, 2012 at 10:10 am #

      I agree with you to the utmost on this one.

  3. Bruce Jennings February 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    First of all, great stuff. And secondly, thank you for the inception into your blogdom. I am not a huge blogger or blog reader. But wth this, I have some hope. And hope is good. So i think its awesome that you titled the piece “husbands AND wives” because I am sure that men are subject to simliar feelings. As a semi spring rooster I have thought about whether I can marry someone just for what they are bringing to table. As you eloquently scripted, women are making cake outside of the kitchen, heck, studies have shown that black women in particular are eating so much better than black men. Men often think about that, at least I do. But I am old fashion, I still like to to open doors, pay for check, buys flower and at least think that I am head of the household. However, many of the women that I meet and date and date and meet make more than me. Its cool. At least they let me think that I am running things.

    But love being a powerful emotion is the most important feature in a relationship, coupled with commitmment. So for me a relationship cant exist with that. And until i find that happens I gauess I’ll roll alone…and i’m ok with that . one has to be ok with being alone/

    • helesetalks August 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

      Bruce! I remember you, how are you Teddy Bear? I’m glad you commented. Commitment and consistency is something I struggle with so I understand. I have no doubt you’re going to make some happy woman a wonderful husband.

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